


All Teeth

by PimpedOutGreenEars



Series: All Teeth [1]
Category: Battle Royale (Manga), Battle Royale - All Media Types, Battle Royale - Takami Koushun
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, No Program AU, instead of the program happening a revolution did, some other pairings and characters will appear but that aren't the focus, this fic is lighthearted i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25270660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PimpedOutGreenEars/pseuds/PimpedOutGreenEars
Summary: The war is done, but that doesn't mean the hard part is over.In the aftermath of the revolution, Shinji Mimura struggles with letting go, being happy, and falling in love with Yutaka Seto. Also, Sho has a coming out party.
Relationships: Mimura Shinji/Seto Yutaka, one-sided sho/shinji
Series: All Teeth [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1991503
Comments: 15
Kudos: 15





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am, writing BR fic once more.
> 
> I've been working on this one for a couple of months. It's not finished yet, but if I were to guess, it's going to be around 30k words? I'm bad at estimations, lol. Also, expect a blend of humor and seriousness, because I'm all over the place with this one. Oh, and I'll probably be updating weekly!
> 
> Important thing to note: This fic talks a lot about a revolution that takes place in The Greater Republic of East Asia (or just Japan for movie/manga watchers/readers). I just want to clarify that this fic simplifies a lot of aspects of war for the sake of writing about the aftermath. I mention this to say that war is not usually so simple and that often the after effects socially are terrible. So please take this with a grain of salt, knowing that not everything in this fic is going to be 100% realistic.
> 
> And lastly, always feel free to scream at me about Battle Royale on my [ Tumblr.](https://pimpedoutgreenears.tumblr.com/)  
> 

The government overthrow hadn’t been what Shinji Mimura had expected.

He’d spent years dreaming about it, had cultivated beliefs from his Uncle that such a thing was not only possible, but would eventually be an inevitability. He’d spent years prepping himself to be a part of it. He’d hung on his Uncle’s every word and had learned everything he could from him about computer hacking, an art he continued to learn about even after his Uncle’s murder.

And, perhaps, more than all of those things, he’d convinced himself that he could be good. He could be brave enough to join the fight. He could risk everything- could see that what he had really wasn’t worth anything without true freedom- and he could do what was right.

It was because of those beliefs that the overthrow had surprised him so much.

For starters, it all went down quick. Shinji had always imagined it being long and drawn out. The Republic of Greater East Asia wasn’t one that would go down without a fight, so he had figured at some point he’d have to go into hiding or be on the run from the government. But that hadn’t happened.

One day they had had a dictator, and a secret oligarchy of sorts hiding behind him pulling the strings, and the next they were all dead and there were foreign soldiers in the streets and riots and protesting happening everywhere.

Shinji had figured such things wouldn’t be televised with their government’s strict control. For a while, he supposed he had been right. Days had passed where he had watched it on his computer while his classmates sat in the dark, laughing and carrying on as though their country wasn’t at war and their leader’s head hadn’t been held up for everyone to see, body not included.

But then one day a station risked broadcasting it, and by the afternoon it was everywhere. Shinji remembered sitting one evening with Shuya Nanahara and telling him all that he knew. He remembered the all-encompassing look in Shuya’s eyes that had screamed _hope_.

Shinji remembered telling Shuya to be careful and to keep his head down. Rebellions were never easy. But he knew Shuya well enough to know he’d have a new rock anthem written by the end of the week. A protest song of his own.

He himself had gotten involved at that point. He crashed government websites, set videos of the carnage to play on their sites, and wrote and passed around the web what could only be considered his manifesto on the fascist happenings of his country. And then he had dug deeper into internet forums.

His Uncle had always cautioned him against teaming up with others, but he’d done it just the same. Things were moving quickly, and he was staying up all night doing his part in the fight. That was how he’d ended up making ties with Shogo Kawada. As involved in the antigovernment movement as he was, he would never have guessed that the scars he’d seen on Kawada in gym class were from a Program the year prior.

Kawada had had a plan himself for some government revenge. Apparently their class was supposed to have been sent to the Program. But it’s hard to send a bunch of 14 year olds to die when you’re too busy trying not to die yourself, so 3-B was spared in the chaos. And Kawada was as pissed about it as he was relieved. But those were mixed feelings that had taken a long time to come out.

On the surface they were just two kids who were smart enough to do something. But underneath that, they were two kids who had lost enough that they were willing to be daring and just cautious enough to stay alive.

Had the fight been longer they might have died. Might have been taken in. Might have had to go into hiding. But that was a lot of might haves to say that they had gotten lucky. Apparently some other countries were sick enough of their fascist bullshit that they weren’t going to let things last long.

It’d been three years ago that things had started and _finally_ , except not finally because it all felt _so_ quick, things were calming down.

And Shinji was thankful. He didn’t need to spend all night on his computer looking for threats or ways he could help anymore. He had time for basketball again. His friends weren’t constantly worried about him and looking at him like he was a time bomb. His sister wasn’t begging to get involved.

Things were good for once. There were still power struggles going on, but things were better. They had a chance for stable leadership. Shinji had a chance at a happy life. He was 17 and could finally act like it.

But the thing was, maybe he hadn’t expected it. Maybe he had expected the overthrow to be a hardship that took up the majority of his life.

Because as it was, when Shinji wasn’t looking over his shoulder, when he wasn’t on his computer, when he didn’t have a ball in his hand, he didn’t know what to do.

 _Be happy. Fall in love._ That was what his Uncle had always told him.

But with the threat gone and the war over, he was left with the same reality that he’d always had.

He didn’t know how. All of that, and he _still_ didn’t know how.

_How lame, huh, Uncle?_


	2. A Better Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinji reminisces about the past and deals with his occasional thoughts about Yutaka. It's not serious though.  
> Also, Sho has an announcement?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the first full chapter! Please let me know what you think! The story kind of ran away from me somewhere in the middle of this chapter, so I'm hoping it all flows together.
> 
> Also, feel free to scream at me about Battle Royale on my [ Tumblr.](https://pimpedoutgreenears.tumblr.com/)  
> 

School had not changed much. In fact, Shinji might have been willing to argue that school had changed less than it would have had the government overthrow not happened.

Because of the riots and overseas soldiers, many adults were afraid of sending their children into the city for high school. Shiroiwa was a rural town, which had housed their equally rural junior high school. During the most dangerous times during the revolution, Shiroiwa had seen very little action. So, when it came down to it, keeping the students in Shiroiwa for high school seemed like the safest option.

For some students, that was gift. It let those with abysmal marks attend a school that usually only accepted students with average test scores or above. It allowed groups like the Kiriyama Family and the Souma gang to stay together.

However, it also meant that students with especially high marks didn’t get to attend the prestigious schools that they had expected and worked hard to get accepted to. For them, it could be classified as a grade ‘A’ bummer.

What it meant in general, though, was that class B from junior high was still pretty much class B.

Shinji himself wasn’t too shook up about it. At the time it had been good because it meant less time spent commuting and more time spent hacking. Although, now, he supposed it just meant he could be playing on a better basketball team.

“Hey, Shinji!”

Shinji turned from his spot at his locker to face Yutaka Seto, who was hurrying toward him. Shinji smiled. Friends. He supposed it also meant he got to stay with his friends.

“Hey,” Shinji greeted once Yutaka had reached him. “What’s got you in such a rush?”

“Forgot to do the math worksheet. Was hoping you’d done it?” Yutaka said a little sheepishly, looking guilty to have to ask for help.

Shinji didn’t chastise him though, only pulled out his sheet and handed it to Yutaka.

“Fuck, thank you!” Yutaka said, immediately putting his books on the floor and pulling out his own sheet and a pencil before starting to copy it against the front of a locker.

Shinji could have sighed in contentment. There was a time last year where that wouldn’t have gone so smoothly. Where he wouldn’t have done the homework because he was hacking all night. Where he would have bitten Yutaka’s head off for even asking. Where Yutaka would have spent the whole day walking on egg shells, trying not to look hurt, while Shinji wouldn’t have let himself acknowledge the stab of guilt in his gut because he had more _important_ things to worry about.

He was lucky Yutaka was still around and that he still considered Shinji his best friend. Last year… He hadn’t been very kind to Yutaka last year. He was so stressed, so on edge, so _fucking_ paranoid. And Yutaka had faced so much of the brunt of it just because he was there. Just because he dared to be functioning normally. Just because he did everything he could to make sure Shinji was okay when Shinji wasn’t ready to admit that he wasn’t. _Are you really okay? Is there anything I can do? Please just talk to me. Shinji, you’re really scaring me._

Yutaka had stuck it out, even though Shinji hadn’t made it easy.

_Damn, Yutaka, did something happen to your ears? I said fuck off._

_I don’t care what you said, I’m not going to fuck off when you look like you do._

“Am I doing something wrong on this? You’re staring pretty hardcore,” Yutaka asked, one eyebrow raised as he paused his copying.

Shinji didn’t hesitate before replying, “No, just thinking I should probably double check my science homework. Did you do yours?” He had no intention of telling Yutaka that he was only staring because he was so thankful to have him to stare at.

“Green folder,” Yutaka said with a smile before returning his attention to the math homework.

Shinji dug out what he needed from Yutaka’s pile and then from his own things, despite his lack of concern for his science homework. He supposed he could double check it anyway.

As Shinji pretended to look over his homework he occasionally glanced up to look at the hallways. It was during one of those glances that he noticed something interesting. All five members of the Kiriyama Family were walking down the hall together seemingly talking about something amongst themselves.

“Huh, it’s been awhile since they’ve all been at school on the same day,” Shinji said, looking briefly in the direction of the Family before turning his eyes back to his paper. The last thing he wanted was to catch Sho’s attention.

Yutaka’s head spun around, eventually finding what Shinji was talking about. It was probably good that they were too invested in their conversation to see Yutaka staring.

“Oh, yeah! There’s going to be an _announcement_ ,” Yutaka whispered in amusement.

Shinji raised a brow.

Yutaka shrugged. “I overheard Sho and Yahagi talking when I came in. No idea what the announcement is though.”

“With them, who knows?” Shinji said, before slipping Yutaka’s homework back in its folder.

Yutaka was handing him back his math worksheet when the Kiriyama Family actually passed them. Well, almost passed them.

Sho stopped in front of Shinji, his larger frame almost boxing Shinji in against the lockers. But Shinji didn’t change his stance, instead remaining leaning against them casually, acting as though their proximity didn’t bother him.

“Morning, Sho,” Shinji said as casually as possible. “What can I do you for?”

“Well that depends on what you’re willing to do,” Sho said flirtatiously.

Mitsuru sighed from his spot beside Sho, sounding disappointed by the line, as Ryuhei and Hiroshi sniggered. Kiriyama, as usual, stood to Mitsuru’s left, quieter than any mouse could ever hope to be.

“Not to disappoint, but unless you want to copy my math homework too, I don’t anything to offer,” Shinji said with a shrug. He saw out of the corner of his eye that Yutaka was watching him, amused by is demeanor.

“Not even a date?” Sho bantered, already knowing what Shinji’s answer would be.

“Zuki, for fucks sake—” Mitsuru started, only for Ryuhei to cut in.

“Don’t start in on him, it’s his day!”

Shinji shared a look with Yutaka who only shrugged and mouthed, ‘Birthday?’

“So, how about it, Shinji? A date on my special day?” Sho asked, bringing the attention back to him.

“Afraid I don’t know what all the special day talk is about, but regardless, the answer, as always, is no,” Shinji said casually. This had been happening too frequently for it to be anything but casual. It was like Sho had sensed when Shinji had stopped being a paranoid mess and had redoubled his efforts to make up for the time when even he hadn’t wanted to approach Shinji.

“Well, as always, that’s a shame,” Sho said with a shrug of his broad shoulders. “Maybe next time.” Sho then took a step away from Shinji, finally giving him back his personal space.

“Not even if pigs fly,” Shinji said, still leaning coolly against his locker. “But enjoy your _special day_.”

Sho grinned. “Don’t worry, Shinji; you don’t have to admit you’re curious. All will be revealed during my morning announcement.” Sho then winked at Shinji, half flirtingly, half mockingly.

“I’ll make sure to count down the minutes,” Shinji said, giving a wave, effectively dismissing the Kiriyama Family.

Sho didn’t mind, in fact, he let out a small giggle. “So hard to get,” Sho muttered, before turning around and heading toward their classroom with the rest of the Kiriyama family flanking him. He could hear Mitsuru telling him to take a hint while Ryuhei bolstered that Shinji wasn’t man enough for ‘Zuki’ anyway.

Once they were out of sight, Shinji sighed and turned back to Yutaka.

“He never takes a hint,” Shinji said.

“You’ve got to admire his persistence, though. I could never handle being rejected so many times,” Yutaka said, picking up his books and folders.

“You want me to hook you guys up?” Shinji asked teasingly.

“I don’t think I’m his type,” Yutaka laughed. “He never even says hi to me when he asks you out. That’s just _rude_.”

Shinji laughed then rested his left arm around Yutaka’s shoulders. “I’ve got to admit, I _am_ eager to hear this announcement.”

“Well, if you were actually counting, you’d know that we’ll find out in,” Yutaka paused to look at his digital watch. “Aw, shit, about a minute and three seconds. We’re going to be late.”

“Not if you really move those short, little legs of yours,” Shinji said, removing his arm from Yutaka to scoop up his things, just as the first bell sounded.

He then took off toward their classroom, Yutaka at his heels.

“You know, I’m still getting taller. You’re height's totally stunted. I could end up taller than you,” Yutaka argued, not sounding at all serious.

“Oh, yeah? Maybe once that happens you can school me on the basketball court,” Shinji said, winking down at Yutaka, even as they hurried around the corner.

“I said I might get taller than you, not better at sports. I’m not completely delusional,” Yutaka said.

“Just a little delusional?” Shinji asked as they made it to the classroom door.

“That’s the only way to keep up with you, man,” Yutaka said cheekily, followed by a crooked smile, as he walked backwards into the classroom just as the late bell rang.

It was that smile that Shinji had seen a thousand times before that suddenly had him thinking, _‘I really like him.’_

It was a slightly jarring thought, but not one he hadn’t had before. It wasn’t enough to make him pause on his way to his seat or even stop him from lightly shoving at Yutaka before he made it to his row.

Their teacher, Mr. Tanaka, ignored their almost late entrance and went straight into teaching. From his seat across the room, Shinji watched Shuya mouth, ‘Close call.’ Shinji only shrugged.

_I really like him._

It was a thought that had struck him a couple of times during middle school and junior high and, within the last year, had occurred a handful more, always accompanied with a flip of his stomach.

At first it’d felt friendly enough. A feeling of strong friendship that, in middle school and junior high, just made him feel a little warmer than usual. Nothing he’d felt before, but nothing worth overthinking.

But then in the last year his gut had started turning when he thought it, or his heart would start beating faster.

He’d heard Shuya and Yutaka talk about crushes enough to know what that meant. It wasn’t friendly.

Sho would probably have a field day.

It wasn’t like it mattered. It was an occasional thought. One that would sneak its way in and then disappear for a month or so. Or at least that was the frequency near the start of the year. Shinji knew that his thoughts about Yutaka were getting closer together.

He also knew that he couldn’t acknowledge the thoughts.

Homosexuality in The Republic of Greater East Asia was illegal. Or at least it had been before the revolution had happened.

Now Shinji supposed it technically wasn’t. Or at least it was announced that no one was going to be arrested for it anymore. Without new power clear there were a lot of laws that were in that state of limbo where no one was getting in trouble for them, but they weren’t written out. Things like homosexuality, listening to rock music, and speaking out about the government.

But Shinji didn’t trust that.

Things were getting better, sure. But that didn’t mean caution could be thrown to the wind. There was always a chance things could go back the other way. And even though homosexuality had never been a highly arrested crime, it wasn’t something Shinji wanted to mess with.

It would just be asking for trouble. An unnecessary risk for him and anyone he associated with. A risk for Yutaka.

A risk that probably wouldn’t even amount to anything good, because what were the chances that Yutaka ever felt that flip in his gut?

_Sorry, Uncle. Not a good risk. Love is going to have to wait._

_It’s not like it’s that serious anyway._


	3. The War is Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sho makes his announcement; there is a /small/ uproar.
> 
> Shogo and Shinji have a heart-to-heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter. Please let me know what you think! This chapter has the kind of back and forth tones that this whole fic is full of. So here's hoping that works!
> 
> As always, feel free to scream at me about Battle Royale on [ Tumblr.](https://pimpedoutgreenears.tumblr.com/)  
> 

Sho’s announcement came 20 minutes into the start of class, and, to Shinji’s surprise, Mr. Tanaka brought it up.

“Tsukioka, I believe you said you had an announcement for the class?”

“I did, Mr. Tanaka,” Sho said, getting up from his seat and walking to the front of the classroom.

A quick glance around the room showed Shinji that almost everyone was puzzled by the declaration.

“I’m prefacing this as an announcement, but it’s actually more of a confession,” Sho said, sounding a little dramatic if you asked Shinji. “There’s something many of you don’t know about me. Something that I’ve been hiding for a long time, but that I think I’m finally ready to share with all of you.”

Shinji’s eyebrow was raised. What could he possibly be talking about?

“Here goes. The truth is… I’m gay.”

For a second no one spoke, and Sho’s face was gravely serious. But then the corner of Sho’s mouth betrayed him, going up until it turned into a grin.

Suddenly people were _cheering_. At first just the Kiriyama Family, but then part of the Souma gang joined in, and then some more of the girls, and then Shuya was clapping and Yutaka let out a loud whistle.

Shinji didn’t do anything. Was Sho fucking crazy?

_Everyone_ knew Sho was gay, sure. But he’d just put it out in words, and in front of a teacher, no less. What was he thinking?

Shinji looked over to Kawada, the only person he could think of who would realize the gravity of the situation. But when he saw Kawada, the corners of his mouth were raised in an amused smile. He caught Shinji’s eye and shrugged, his smile getting just a little bigger.

_Seriously?_

Almost reading his thought, Kawada motioned his head toward Mr. Tanaka. The teacher was at the front of the room, lightly shaking his head, but also _laughing._

Everyone was happy for him. No one was freaking out. No one was _concerned._

“Disgusting.”

It was said quietly, but the low tone of Oda’s voice seemed to reverberate around the room. Suddenly attention had shifted to the frog faced boy.

“’Scuse you?” Ryuhei asked, jumping up from his desk.

Oda had turned red in the face. It was obvious that he hadn’t meant for the comment to be heard throughout the room. But he had a glare on his face that showed that he wasn’t going to take it back either.

If Shinji had to guess, he’d bet Oda was done for after school. Sasagawa already looked tempted to lunge after him.

“Looks like someone’s mad Sho is out of his league,” Yutaka’s voice sang out through the tenseness of the room.

People laughed then and the tension that had filled the room evaporated like it had never been there. Yutaka’s jokes had that power sometimes.

But, of course, Yutaka had only further infuriated Oda, and apparently he had given up on self-preservation. Someone implying he was gay was seemingly the last straw.

“I’m not surprised to hear such a vulgar suggestion from a cretin like you. You’re probably eager to be a part of his exploits,” Oda said, sounding like the villain in a B rated movie.

Shinji would have laughed if he hadn’t been so shocked. Usually Oda was quiet and respectful. He was from a rich family and tended to keep to himself unless he was boring the class with violin. Shinji had offhandedly thought Oda might be arrogant, given that he didn’t talk to anyone but didn’t seem shy either, but _damn_. Who called someone a cretin?

“Okay, that’s enough,” Mr. Tanaka declared.

“With Sho?” Yutaka made a ‘Psh’ sound of dismissal. “I know when someone’s out of _my_ league. Hell, I’m surprised my own left hand settles for me. I live in fear every day that I’ll wake up and it’ll just be gone. Like—”

“Seto, I said that’s _enough_ ,” Mr. Tanaka said forcefully.

By that time the whole room was cracking up, even the kids who usually wouldn’t find a masturbation joke funny. Shinji himself had his hand covering his mouth, trying to hold back the sound. Yutaka’s eyes met his and Yutaka gave a bow, only making Shinji laugh harder.

_Fuck, I really like him._

_Damn, twice in one day._

“I need everyone to calm down and _sit down_ ,” Mr. Tanaka called out above the laughter. Ryuhei rolled his eyes but dropped down into his seat just the same. “I need you all to remember that you are in a place of learning. Behavior like this will not be tolerated.” His eyes shot to a still angry Oda and then a pleased Yutaka. “You are all 17 years old, and I need you to act like it. I shouldn’t have to tell you to respect each other or to mind your language. If I do need to do that, I can do it during detention. Is that necessary?”

“No, sir,” Yutaka said, big brown eyes suddenly passing for innocent even when Shinji knew they still had that mischievous glint in them. 

“Of course not, my apologies,” Oda said, although it sounded like someone was hitting him repeatedly in the stomach as he said it.

“Good,” Mr. Tanaka said before his attention went back to Sho, who was still standing in front of the room, looking entirely too pleased about the events that had just transpired. “Thank you for your announcement, Tsukioka. I’ll have you take your seat.”

“Of course, just one more thing,” Sho said, clapping his hands together excitedly. “I’m having a party this Friday to celebrate my coming out, and you’re all invited! Make sure you’re in attendance, or you’ll hate yourself come Monday when it’s _all_ anyone else can talk about.”

Sho then sauntered back to his seat, receiving welcoming pats of the back from his friends.

Shinji couldn’t imagine anyone being stupid enough to attend that party.

* * *

“We’re going to Sho’s party, right?” Shuya asked eagerly the second the lunch bell rang. The broad smile on his face told Shinji that he was obviously planning to attend regardless of what the rest of their group thought.

Shinji had to hold back the desire to face palm as Shuya, Hiroki, and Yoshitoki arranged their desks around his. Of course Shuya would be stupid enough to go.

“Frankly, I’m too curious not to go. I can’t imagine what a party thrown by Sho is going to look like,” Yoshitoki said as he opened his bento box.

“His dad owns a bar, right? I bet there will be a ton of booze,” Shuya said excitedly. No one enjoyed a good drink like Shu did.

Shinji’s skin was itching to tell Shuya why going to Sho’s party was, in fact, not a good idea, but he knew it wasn’t the time or place. The classroom during lunch was too public. He’d just attract unwanted attention if he started talking about it.

He was better off just making an escape and talking to Shuya about it later.

Shinji’s eyes scanned the classroom until he found Yutaka. Unfortunately, he was sitting with Keita, Yuichiro, and Yoshio, and he looked to already be deep in conversation despite lunch barely having started. Shinji had infiltrated that group before but with mixed results.

Yuichiro was fine, or at least nice, Shinji guessed. But he had a penchant for talking about anime that Shinji hadn’t seen, and too often he was focused on romance subplots that, at best, Shinji found boring or, at worst, Shinji couldn’t relate too (or he was starting to relate to, which was undoubtedly even worse).

Yoshio might have been fine if Shinji’s presence ever left him anything but intimidated. Shinji knew from talking to Yutaka that he liked a lot of the same games they did, but he tended to clam up the second Shinji was around. And there were only so many ways Shinji could try to show the guy that he wasn’t there to make fun of him. Honestly, the dude was going to have a heart attack from being on edge all the time.

And then there was Keita. Enough said, really.

So hanging out with Yutaka was a no-go. Damn.

Shinji was about to look away from the group of desks when Yutaka’s eyes met his. Yutaka raised a brow in question, but Shinji only winked at him before returning his attention to the bone-head who was currently talking to him.

“Hiroki, Shinji, you guys are going to come too, right?” Shuya asked.

Shinji was deciding how to word his answer when Shuya turned his attention to the door where Shogo was making his exit.

“Shogo! Come sit with us!” Shuya said, ignoring the fact that Shogo was obviously on his way outside to sneak a smoke and that Hiroki had been about to answer him.

“In a minute, Shu,” Shogo said gruffly but affectionately as he continued on his way out the door.

Shogo and Shuya had only started talking because of their connection to Shinji, but it was obvious that Shogo appreciated Shuya’s positive energy, and luckily for Shogo, Shuya liked anyone who even half liked him. They’d been faster friends than Shinji and Shogo had been by far. But then Shuya hadn’t been paranoid that Shogo was working with the other side or would make a mistake that would get him killed. So there was that.

But now there were few people Shinji would trust as much.

Shinji got up and made to leave out the door the same way Shogo had.

“Where are you going?” Shuya asked.

“Bathroom. You want to hold it for me?” Shinji asked, winking as he pointed down to his dick.

Shuya laughed easily, as did their other friends. “I think I’ll let you handle that.”

Shinji shrugged, easy smile on his face, as he walked out of the classroom toward Shogo’s smoking spot.

* * *

Shinji caught up with Shogo just as he was pulling out a Wild Seven and his lighter.

“Wondered when you’d catch up,” Shogo said, leaning against one of the trees that bordered the school. 

The small clustering of trees was Shogo's go to smoke spot, despite being an obvious one. Though, to his credit, no teacher had ever caught him. But that was more likely a calculated move of the teachers' part, based on Shogo's rough looking face. Sometimes there were benefits to looking like a carnival worker, Shinji supposed.

“Eh, I wasn’t in a hurry,” Shinji said, leaning against the tree up wind from Shogo’s cigarette smoke.

For a while they didn’t talk to each other, and Shinji just listed to Shogo puff through a quarter of a cigarette.

“You know, you really need to calm down,” Shogo finally said in between puffs.

“Is that right?” Shinji asked.

“Tsukioka’s announcement has you jumpy.”

“This is jumpy?” Shinji asked, raising an eyebrow before looking down at his own calm demeanor.

“Did you come out here to talk or not?” Shogo asked him, cigarette half smoked. “Because I can always shut up.”

Shinji pursed his lips. He kind of hated the way Shogo always got right down to business. Actually, he appreciated that. He just hated it when Shogo had control of the conversation. With anyone else Shinji was always in control and a step ahead. Shogo had an annoying way of pinning Shinji down when it came to discussions he didn’t want to have, or like in cases like the present, discussions he only wanted to have a certain way.

“It’s pretty stupid to have or attend a coming out party in this country,” Shinji said finally.

“War’s over, Mimura.”

“War’s paused. Things could still go south. Then there are a lot of people left having to answer for not being careful.”

Shogo sighed. “You know better than anyone what’s going on right now. Other countries have stepped in, and we’re in the process of adopting democracy. And even if things tank right now, the focus isn’t going to be on petty crimes. There are too many people talking out about how shitty our government’s been for that to be the focus.”

“Sounds like you’re underestimating fascism,” Shinji replied.

“I’m not underestimating anything. The way this all worked out shocked me just as much as it did you,” Shogo said, before taking a long drag of his cigarette. “And believe it or not, the adjustment isn’t any easier for me. I never expected to have a whole life ahead of me either, Mimura. I transferred here to ruin the Program or die trying, remember?”

Of course Shinji remembered. Class 3-B had been up for execution, and Kawada had transferred in, planning to shake things up a little. But then the revolution had broken out, and 3-B was spared the killing spree, so Kawada had had to find some other way to strike back.

“So you think everything is safe now? Grand Leader’s head is on a stake and everything is great now? No need to be careful, just throw yourself face first into the pool?” Shinji asked, a rare irritation finding its way into his voice. Usually that tone didn’t come out until he’d been up a full 24 hours stressing himself out. Still, he didn’t regret the question.

“It’s never going to be 100% safe,” Shogo said as he tossed his cigarette on the ground and stomped it out. “But we’re safer now than we’ve ever been here in our entire lives. We’re safer now than we’d ever dreamed we’d be.”

“Is that the bar?” Shinji asked moving to be face-to-face with Shogo. “We’re safe enough we won’t get thrown into a detention center or outright executed, so why not just free for all? Is that where you’re at with all of this? You of all people?”

Shogo stared at him then, and Shinji felt disgusted by it because he could tell Shogo felt sorry for him.

“Shove that concern up your ass, Kawada,” Shinji said before Shogo had a chance to speak.

Shogo let out a large sigh before lighting up a new cigarette, not caring that the smoke had nowhere to go but straight into Shinji’s face.

“Alright, Mimura. What’s your plan then?” Shogo asked.

Shinji didn’t speak, only waited for Shogo to elaborate.

Shogo took a drag and then turned his head to blow his smoke away from Shinji. “We aren’t safe now, right? So how long do we go without issue before we can assume we are? What’s our time line? Two years? Five? Ten?”

Shinji frowned, only staring Shogo head on as he continued to talk.

“And during that time, what do we give up? Obviously parties with risky characters, but what else? Shuya’s been playing his rock music in the park. Pretty dangerous to associate with him. Should probably stop doing that, right? And we’ve been involved in some pretty heinous antigovernment activities. Should probably go into hiding before we get caught, right? Just drop association with everyone just to be safe?”

Shinji still didn’t talk, just listened.

“Where do you draw the line, Mimura? What are you willing to lose so you can be careful? What do you want the people you care about to keep living without in the name of safety?”

Shinji sighed, looking down at the ground.

“How long do you plan to wait before you finally let yourself be happy?”

“I don’t know,” Shinji answered honestly.

“At some point, we just have to live,” Shogo said, stomping out his second cigarette only a quarter smoked. “I know how you feel, Shinji. You geared up for something, and then all of a sudden it’s gone, and you aren’t ready to take off the armor.”

Shinji shook his head. “I never planned for after. I spent so much time convincing myself that I’d do the right thing and get involved when the time came. And now the time came and went, and I’m still here, and I don’t know what to do.”

“I know the feeling. I was ready to die just to put a dent in this county. Ready to reunite with my girl,” Shogo said, looking up to the sky. “But that didn’t happen, and I’m doing my best to appreciate the extra time.”

“How are you doing that?” Shinji asked.

Shogo grinned. “Making friends again. Learning to let them in. Same as you, really,” Shogo said before jutting his chin out to signal someone behind Shinji.

Shinji looked behind him and saw Yutaka standing awkwardly in front of the school. He was obviously waiting on Shinji to finish his conversation with Shogo, but the fact that he was waiting 15 meters away as not to interrupt them was almost comical. Shinji waved, letting Yutaka know he had seen him, before looking back at Shogo.

“Seto was more of a trooper than I expected during all of this, especially seeing as he didn’t have a leg in the race,” Shogo commented. “I didn’t expect him to stick around like he did.”

“I was terrible to him,” Shinji confessed.

“You were terrible to everyone,” Shogo corrected, a light smile on his face. “Difference is, everyone else either got on board with what you were doing, despite what it was doing to you, or backed off. Figure it took a lot of guts for him to hang around just to tell you how shitty you looked.”

“Thanks, Kawada,” Shinji said, rolling his eyes but somehow not feeling as annoyed as he should. “I’ll catch you later.”

“Yeah. Think about going to Tsukioka’s party,” Shogo said as Shinji began to walk away.

Shinji turned toward him. “Are you seriously going to that? Government shit aside?” Had Shogo ever even gone to a party?

Shogo shrugged. “I like a dumpster fire as well as the next guy, and there is high potential for a fire.”

Shinji only laughed before turning around and continuing his walk toward Yutaka.


	4. The One Where a lot Happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinji and Yutaka have a long overdue conversation. Then they flirt? Are they flirting? Oh, and Sho's here!  
> Shinji also overthinks some shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was tricky. Even now I'm questioning my choice to not edit out some of what happens. But, whatever, I'm just here to have a good time. Hopefully reading it is a good time too!

When Shinji reached him, Yutaka smiled up at him. “Hey, hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”

“Nah, thanks for keeping the appropriate 100 meter distance between us,” Shinji joked, shoving Yutaka’s shoulder. “Seriously, how long were you waiting? I didn’t even know you were out here.”

Yutaka laughed, but it sounded a little forced. “Only a minute. I just came out to— I don’t know. You were gone for a while. You seemed a little off.” He seemed embarrassed to be checking on Shinji or maybe just nervous about how Shinji would react.

Shinji wondered how to address that, but Yutaka spoke again before he had a chance to decide.

“Sorry, I know you don’t need anyone to come check on you.”

Shinji felt his whole body soften. “I actually kind of did. Talks with Kawada always end up a little heavy.”

“Is everything okay?” Yutaka asked.

“Yeah, everything’s okay. I just needed a reality check. Promise,” Shinji said, hoping Yutaka believed him.

“Is it about Sho’s party?” Yutaka asked.

Shinji wondered when he’d gotten so bad at hiding things. “Sort of. Let’s walk a bit,” Shinji suggested, figuring they still had time to take a lap around the school before lunch was over. Yutaka nodded.

“We don’t have to go, you know?” Yutaka said, early on in their walk.

“You want to miss out on what will probably be the biggest party of the year?” Shinji asked. Yutaka liked a party as much as Shuya liked a drink. It was a perfect venue for a class clown.

“I could tell Sho announcing everything made you uncomfortable. Not, like, because of what it was, but because it’s the kind of stuff we couldn’t do before. I know you’re still worried something’s going to happen. I don’t want to stress you out,” Yutaka explained, looking at the ground as he talked.

Shinji came to a stop at the side of the school and grabbed Yutaka’s arm gently to stop him. “Hey,” Shinji said, giving Yutaka the most compassionate look he could muster. He wondered if it even began to convey how he felt. “I’m sorry for last year.”

Yutaka’s eyes widened, surprised.

“I was a jerk to you last year. To everyone, but especially to you. I was paranoid about everything going on, and I was losing my shit. I took a lot of things out on you, and I’m sorry,” Shinji said, feeling lighter for having finally said it.

Yutaka looked stunned. “You-You don’t have to apologize. I mean, the worst part was the way you smelled. Your hygiene really suffered,” Yutaka tried to joke, but it fell flat.

“I mean it. I’m really sorry,” Shinji said, giving the most sincere (and maybe only?) apology he’d ever given. “You were the only one during all of it who was only worried about me. And I never said thank you for that or even apologized to you. So, I know it’s late, but thank you for being there.”

Yutaka’s eyes had glazed over with tears and Shinji felt some foreign sense that he should be doing something. Something more than just talking. Like he should be wiping the tears up even before they spilled. Fuck, at least it’d be nice to have a tissue to offer. Of all the days not to have a handkerchief in his pocket. 

“I was so worried about you,” Yutaka confessed, his voice shaking. “I was scared— I’d never seen you like that before. It was like you didn’t care what happened to you… And I was the only one who did.”

A tear rolled down Yutaka’s face, but he quickly reached up to rub his eyes.

“I didn’t care that you were being mean to me. I just wanted you to stop acting like you didn’t matter. Because you mattered a lot to me. Still do, obviously.”

Shinji felt his own eyes getting heavy. He wished he was better at words. Wished he knew how to express his feelings better. He had so many feelings for Yutaka, so many things he wanted him to understand. But despite being blessed with an amazing amount of charm, he never felt like his words said enough. Even at his most sincere, Shinji always worried that his words sounded cheap.

“You matter a lot to me,” Shinji said, trying to pack his feelings into his words. “More than anyone. That’s why— I don’t want you to have to worry that I’m going to be like that again. Or that I’m going to lose my temper on you. I don’t want you to feel like I don’t care. About me or, especially, about you. Because I do, a lot.”

Yutaka looked up at him, brown eyes full of unshed tears, and let out a small laugh. “Damn, Shinji, you don’t know how much that means to me.”

Shinji’s heart was hammering in his chest like it was trying to escape. Almost like his heart hoped to burst out of his chest and present itself before Yutaka, like, _‘Hey, here I am. Hope you like me, because I’m yours forever.’_

Shinji moved to put his arm around Yutaka and pulled him to his side, wanting to comfort him. Yutaka leaned into him, letting his weight rest against Shinji.

“So what did that have to do with Sho’s party?” Yutaka asked, sniffing a bit as he rubbed his eyes with the hand that wasn’t resting against Shinji.

Shinji let out a short laugh. He’d definitely managed to take the conversation a certain way. Shinji explained, “I guess just that you shouldn’t not do things just because I’m being paranoid. That’s kind of what I was talking to Kawada about.”

“So he was lecturing you?” Yutaka teased, eyes red, but starting to brighten back up.

“Kawada lectures everyone. You get used to it,” Shinji joked, shooting Yutaka a wink. “Besides, I can’t complain about a lecture I signed up for.”

Yutaka hummed. “I’m glad he’s doing okay.”

“Yeah, it’d be a big mess around here if we were both acting like paranoid bastards,” Shinji admitted.

“We’d just have to nail up the school at that point,” Yutaka said before a look of realization came to his face. “Speaking of which, unless we’re ditching, we should probably head back inside. Keita’s probably already eaten the rest of my lunch.”

“You just want out of walking the full lap around the school,” Shinji joked, removing his arm from Yutaka’s shoulders to walk more easily, only to instantly feel a pang of regret.

_Uncle, I’m starting to think this might be serious after all._

“Hey, I’ll have you know I was looking forward to the walk. It’s a nice day,” Yutaka said opening his arms to motion to the warm air around them.

“We have time to run,” Shinji challenged.

Yutaka thought quickly. “I get a 30 second head start.”

“I’ll give you 40, you still won’t make it around before me,” Shinji said, winking although he was very serious.

“We’ll see,” Yutaka said before taking off like a burst.

Shinji looked down to his watch, counting out _45_ seconds before he started his own run. As Shinji expected, he caught up the Yutaka before he reached the other side of the school.

“I think you need a longer head start,” Shinji called out as ran past Yutaka.

“What I need are longer legs!” Yutaka shouted back as Shinji turned the corner a good distance ahead of him.

Shinji stopped after he’d made it a meter past the corner and waited. He could hear Yutaka’s pounding feet still a few seconds behind him. He got into position.

The second Yutaka rounded the corner Shinji grabbed him and lifted him in the air. The sound Yutaka let out was _hysterical._

“Blast off!” Shinji yelled.

“Holy fuck!” Yutaka yelled back before he dissolved into laughter.

Shinji put Yutaka back on the ground and then watched as his shorter friend stumbled, still laughing.

“You scared the shit out of me!” Yutaka yelled in between laughs as he found balance against the wall.

Shinji grinned, happy to see that Yutaka looked completely back to his normal self. “Seems like you enjoyed it.”

“I’m having heart palpitations! This is how I’m going to _die_ ,” Yutaka said dramatically, mirth still oozing in his tone as he threw his hands over his heart theatrically and started slowly sliding down the school wall.

“If you die at school, I’m burying you here,” Shinji threatened jokingly.

Yutaka suddenly stopped his act and stood up right. "That’s just _cruel_.”

Shinji began walking backward towards the front of the school. “It just seems like the easiest route to take.”

“Until I haunt you for the rest of high school and then forever after that,” Yutaka said, hurrying to keep up with Shinji.

“Now you’re just straight up rewarding me,” Shinji teased, aiming to flick Yutaka’s forehead but being dodged last second as Yutaka ducked under his hand.

“You think it’ll be a reward but then— Oh, hey,” Yutaka said, making Shinji turn to see who was behind him.

Standing outside on the school steps was Sho, and the look of delight on his face told Shinji that he’d been waiting.

“Hello,” Sho said, walking closer to them.

“Sho, twice in one day, really?” Shinji asked. Usually Sho left at least a day between rejections.

“Oh, Shinji, as tempting as it is to tell you all the reasons we should go to my party together, I’m actually here to talk to Yutaka,” Sho said, turning his attention away from Shinji and looking at Yutaka head on.

Shinji’s eyebrow rose and his glace at Yutaka showed that he was just as surprised.

“Oh, what’s up?” Yutaka asked, sounding unsure.

“I just wanted to make sure you had the address for my party,” Sho said handing Yutaka a piece of paper, presumably with the aforementioned address on it. “I feel it’s only fitting I give you a formal invite since you acted like such a _white knight_ this morning.”

Yutaka laughed, rubbing his hand through his hair. “I wouldn’t go that far, but, um, thanks for the invite. Sorry Oda was such a dick this morning. Not sure what was up with that.”

Sho giggled. “ _You_ are _too_ sweet.” Then Sho leaned down and, in what seemed like slow motion to Shinji, kissed Yutaka’s cheek.

Yutaka’s face _burned_ red, something that Shinji would find hilarious if he didn’t feel jealousy starting to bloom within him.

Sho, however, didn’t have a problem finding humor in Yutaka’s face. He laughed upon seeing the harsh blush, covering his mouth for show more than to actually muffle the sound. “Oh, honey, if only you were my type,” Sho cooed. He then turned back to Shinji. “But what can I say? I always go crazy for the cool, sporty type.”

“Lucky me,” Shinji said sarcastically.

Sho laughed again, uncaring that Shinji’s remark had been at his expense.

“Anyway, I’ll see both of you on Friday,” Sho said, walking away from the school. “Tootles!”

“It’s still lunch time,” Yutaka said, coming out of his surprised stupor.

“A good party takes time to plan,” Sho called, continuing his walk to the front gate.

Shinji and Yutaka stood watching him leave.

“You know, that was the first kiss I’ve ever gotten from someone who isn’t a family member,” Yutaka confessed, then added, “I guess I could have done worse.”

“Ugh, you could have done better,” Shinji said, a frown coming to rest of his face.

“Eh, not really. I don’t exactly have a line,” Yutaka said, motioning around him, “And at least Sho doesn’t smell or anything.”

“Is that what your bar is set at?” Shinji asked incredulously.

“There is no bar. Or at least there wasn’t. Technically Sho just set the bar, him being the first and all,” Yutaka said. He then looked over at Shinji’s frowning face and shrugged. “Hey, I’m not happy about it either. I don’t _want_ the best kiss I’ve ever gotten to be from Sho. I’d gladly get kissed by someone else and raise the bar.”

Shinji didn’t hesitate once the thought came to his mind. His Uncle had taught him to think things through, but also not to waste so much time thinking that he’d lose the chance to act. This was a moment to act.

He grabbed the left side of Yutaka’s face and leaned it gently up so that his right cheek was on display. Shinji then quickly bent down and kissed it.

It was over too quickly to really feel like much of anything, but, despite that, Shinji felt a heat in his gut that was partially pride and partially that feeling he got whenever his brain registered that he _liked_ Yutaka.

“Does that raise the bar?” Shinji asked with a grin on his face as he looked down at Yutaka, whose face was slightly red on the apples of his cheeks, a nice contrast with the white from his smiling mouth.

_I don’t know if pretty is the right word, Uncle, but he’s something like that._

“Obviously,” Yutaka said, talking around the grin on his face. “I just got kissed by the hottest guy at school. I’m finally on par with all the popular girls! Do you think they’ll accept me as one of their own?”

“I don’t know about that,” Shinji said, still grinning. “Besides, you’re _technically_ in a league of your own. I don’t think I’ve ever kissed a girl on the cheek.”

“Really?” Yutaka asked, sounding surprised.

“You know me; I’ve always gone straight for the lips.” Shinji then winked. “So you’ve got something on all of them. Try not to brag _too_ much; they might cry.”

Yutaka then looked up at Shinji through his long eye lashes before he said, “You know I’m totally swooning now, right?”

And Shinji wondered if there was any possibility that that was actually true, because he certainly was.

“Keep it up and I might kiss your other cheek.”

_Or your mouth. Or anything you’d let me kiss, probably._

“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” Yutaka said, face looking at the ground. Was he blushing? Smiling? Shinji couldn’t see. He definitely wanted to see.

_Hey, Uncle, it’s officially serious, and I’m officially gay. Who knew?_

Shinji was about to say something back when the front door opened and a teacher walked outside.

“What are you boys doing out here?” Shinji could see him slip his cigarettes back into his pocket.

“Nothing!” Yutaka quickly answered, putting on his most innocent look. It could be pretty convincing if you didn’t know him well.

“Just getting some fresh air, Sir. What about you?” Shinji asked, eyeing his pocket obviously.

He gave Shinji a look that told him they would be getting away with being outside unsupervised. “Just getting some air myself.”

“Well, you enjoy it,” Shinji said politely as he and Yutaka walked back into the school.

Once the door was shut, they laughed the whole way back to the classroom.

* * *

Shinji didn’t pay attention in class for the rest of the day. Rather, he pushed what his teachers were saying aside to focus on the matter at hand, which was, frankly, much more important to him.

He had some decisions to make.

Well, the first thing wasn’t really much of a decision so much as a realization.

He liked Yutaka. Like-liked him, had a crush on him, was maybe in love with him? The wording really didn’t matter. At least not yet. He couldn’t get too far ahead of himself.

First thing first, he liked Yutaka, and there was going to be no more hiding it from himself. Between Sho’s announcement and Shogo’s spiel, a damn had broken in his mind and his feelings had come running out. With all of the logical reasons of why liking Yutaka wasn’t an option out of the way, he had no choice but to face his feelings head on.

Well, there was still one reason.

Rejection.

The mere thought of it disturbed him. The fact of the matter was that he was the Third Man, and he’d never been rejected. Girls liked him, and even the ones who didn’t made it obvious. So he’d never approached a girl who wasn’t going to be a sure thing. When you had options and the girl didn’t matter, that was easy to do.

But now it felt like there was only one option, only one boy, and his name was Yutaka Seto.

So his odds were slim. Not impossible, but slim.

He’d considered their exchange outside the school during their lunch period. Had Yutaka been flirting with him? If Yutaka was a girl then he’d have had no doubt that that was what had been going on. But Yutaka wasn’t a girl. He was a born joker who’d known Shinji since elementary school. Yutaka at times was the most sincere person Shinji knew, but he could also be the least serious when it suited him. So trying to judge Yutaka’s sincerity at that moment was impossible.

So he had no choice but to assume that the chance that Yutaka liked him back was very small.

So that led to his first decision: should he pursue Yutaka?

If the answer was no, then his proceedings would be simple. Continue on the way he had been before, but with the new understanding of his feelings.

But if he did choose to pursue Yutaka, then that brought up more questions.

What would that look like? An upfront confession? Subtle flirting? How long into flirting did he wait to confess his feelings? How did he confess his feelings? When did he start his pursuit? Had he already started?

It was frustrating for Shinji to think about. He’d done all of it before with girls, but it was very different now. Suddenly he wasn’t doing it for status or a thing to do. It mattered, and if he did it, he needed to do it in the way that would give him the highest rate for success.

Even as Shinji rolled the information around in his head, he knew the answer to the first question. It was just a matter of his brain logically catching up to the decision his heart had already made.

He wanted to be with Yutaka. He wanted to date him, be his boyfriend, and hold his hand. So he couldn’t do nothing.

So he was going to pursue.

But he also had to be smart about it. He couldn’t just walk up to Yutaka after school and ask if he wanted to make-out under the bleachers (a move that had worked for Shinji a surprising amount of times).

He had to go slow. Test the waters. He could flirt, but not too much too soon. And then after he’d tested things out and saw how Yutaka reacted, then he could adjust. Then he could see if confessing his feelings was a good idea.

_Fuck, that sounds calculated, doesn’t it?_

Yeah, so what? It wasn’t the most romantic plan. So what? It was solid. It was safe.

_Didn’t you just get a lecture about being too cautious?_

That voice in his head sounded too much like his Uncle’s for comfort.

He wasn’t trying to be calculating or overly cautious. He just cared. He wanted to have a chance with Yutaka. Was that such a bad thing?

Shinji was still debating with himself when the final bell rang and everyone got up to go home.

He followed the flow of students into the hallway and went toward his locker, just as Shuya was catching up with him.

“Hey, do you want hang out at the park tonight? So far Yoshitoki and Shogo are in,” Shuya said, coming up on Shinji’s right side.

Normally Shinji probably would have said yes, despite the fact that what he was actually agreeing to was probably less of a hangout and more of an open mic night for one. But, at the moment, Shinji had some things he needed to think through. The best way to do that was to practice some free-throws and then maybe take a run.

“Sorry, man, not tonight. I need to give these muscles some love,” Shinji said, patting his torso. Shinji might have worried about Shuya asking to join had Nobu and Shogo not been involved. But with them there was no way he would. Yoshitoki wasn’t into athletics and Shogo only really liked weightlifting, given how running didn’t mix well with his heavy smoking.

“Can’t you do that another night?” Shuya asked as they reached Shinji’s locker.

“Not unless I want to end up out of shape like you,” Shinji joked. While it was true Shuya wasn’t in the baseball shape he’d once been in, he was still more athletic than most of the people in their school.

Shuya looked like he’d have a retort when Yutaka appeared beside them. “I would personally love to be as out of shape as Shuya.”

Shinji chuckled while Shuya asked, “What about you, Yutaka? Do you want to go to the park with me, Yoshitoki, and Shogo? And maybe Hiroki and Keita?”

_Man, you’re just inviting anyone to hang out now._

“Nah, can’t. I still need to finish the Japanese composition for tomorrow,” Yutaka said, sounding depressed by the thought.

“Shit, I forgot about that. Maybe I can invite Noriko to the park too. She’d probably help me pick some of my lyrics to fit the assignment,” Shuya said, scanning the hall for her. His eyes widened in excitement once he’d located her. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Stop by the park later if you get bored!”

Shinji watched him dodge people to get to Noriko for only a second before turning to Yutaka. “Have you started the composition yet?”

“Yep. Managed a whole two sentences before I decided to play with my Gameboy instead,” Yutaka said as they walked toward his locker. The two of them usually walked the part of the way home they could together.

“Hmm, that’s not usually the thing I decide to play with instead,” Shinji said lewdly as they walked down the hall, sticking close together among the mass of students.

_How do I go about this, Yutaka?_

Yutaka snorted. “Please, when’s the last time you haven’t had someone to do that for you?”

_How do I do this in a way that makes us work but doesn’t make me feel like I’m playing you?_

“It’s not always about having someone available, sometimes you just want that familiar touch,” Shinji said, grabbing Yutaka's shoulder as he said it as though to emphasize his point.

_I could just go with the flow, but if I do that am I not working hard enough?_

Yutaka let out a light snort, shaking off Shinji's hand as they reached his locker. “All I’m hearing,” Yutaka said as he opened his locker. “is that you’re ditching Shuya tonight to rub one out.”

_I’m probably overthinking it, aren’t I?_

“It’s flattering that you think that takes me all evening,” Shinji said, watching Yutaka pull his backpack out of his locker. “But I’m ditching Shuya to get in a full workout.”

_You’d probably just want things to progress naturally, but, damn, you know I hate not having a plan._

“I feel like there’s major wordplay potential here for talking about bulges, but I can’t quite figure it out,” Yutaka said as he closed his locker.

_Feelings are so stupid. Seriously, how do people do this?  
_

“Sounds like you just figured out a topic for your Japanese composition, though,” Shinji said, throwing his left arm casually around Yutaka’s shoulders as they continued their walk down the hall. Yutaka was perfect arm rest height, which was convenient given that Shinji wanted to be close to him.

_Uncle, I really wish you were here to give me advice on this one._

“I’ll call it, ‘Expel Me Immediately: A Tale of Two Bulges.’” Yutaka swung his arm out before him as though it would make the title appear in the air as he spoke. 

“You can do better than that,” Shinji teased. He’d definitely heard Yutaka come up with some classics.

“It’s a work in progress,” Yutaka said before switching topics. “Do you want to go to the mall this week? Like, day after tomorrow?”

Shinji shrugged with right shoulder. “Sure. What are you wanting to look at?”

“Well, I figure we should probably get Sho a present for his party, right?” Yutaka asked as they walked out of school together.

Shinji’s brows came together in thought. “Do you get someone a present for a coming out party?”

“I think so?” Yutaka said, sounding unsure. “I mean, I haven’t been to one before, but it seems like we should? Am I wrong?”

“I’m not sure. I guess maybe,” Shinji said. He supposed he could ask around, but he’d rather it not get around to Sho that he cared enough to check.

“I think we should get him something. I don’t want to be the only one who doesn’t,” Yutaka decided, looking to Shinji for a final opinion.

“Fine by me. I haven’t been to the mall in a while anyway,” Shinji agreed.

“Awesome, day after tomorrow you and I can go,” Yutaka said happily.

As they walked down the sidewalk together, Shinji wondered if it meant anything that they weren’t inviting their other friends to go with them. After all, it would make sense for all of them to be on the same page with gift giving. But maybe it was just an oversight on Yutaka’s part. Or maybe he just thought it’d be nice to spend time alone with his best friend.

Or maybe Yutaka liked him too.

The only guarantee Shinji had was that it was going to take a lot of free-throws to calm his brain after the day he’d had.


	5. The Kids Are Growing Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuya gives advice to the world's most amazing, talented, and handsome boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am, back with another chapter. Let me know what you think!

It was after school a day later when Shinji found himself sitting outside of the orphanage with Shuya Nanahara. Yoshitoki had been sitting with them, but when Miss Ryoko had asked for help with dinner he’d been the one to lose the game of rock, paper, scissors.

“Well, what do you want to do now, Shu?” Shinji asked from his spot beside Shuya, sitting in the dirt, leaning against the orphanage wall.

“I actually wanted to ask you about something,” Shuya said, turning in the dirt to face Shinji.

“You finally ready to have the talk? Birds and bees and all that?” Shinji asked, not yet fully facing Shuya.

“Funny,” Shuya said, lightly shoving Shinji’s shoulder. He then got back to his point. “I was talking to Shogo yesterday.”

Shinji hummed as he leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. He knew where the conversation was going.

“I told him I thought you were acting weird about Sho’s party—”

“It’s cute that you guys talk about me when I’m not around—”

“And he said I needed to consider how this would have been handled a couple of years ago,” Shuya finished.

Shinji could have groaned in annoyance. It was bad enough that he’d had to concede that Shogo had a point. He didn’t want to also admit to Shuya that Shogo had a point. But he didn’t really have a choice. At least, he didn’t have one that wouldn’t leave him feeling completely immature.

So instead of groaning or acting annoyed, he opened his eyes and turned to face Shuya, their crossed legs almost touching at the knees.

“All right, I get where you’re going, Shu. Skip Kawada’s words of wisdom, and ask away,” Shinji said, adding a wink to keep things light.

Shuya nodded, considering for a moment before he spoke. “Do you think Sho’s party is a bad idea?”

Shinji laughed. “I figure anything Sho does is a bad idea,” Shinji said, moving his elbows to rest on his knees. “But as far as going to that party? No, that’s probably as safe as anything else we’ve done over the years.”

Shuya nodded, his brow knitted together in thought. Shinji could tell something about his answer bothered him.

“You’re going to have to ask out loud, man. I unfortunately haven’t perfected the mindreading yet,” Shinji joked.

It worked, and Shuya cracked a smile. “It’s nice to hear you admit that there’s something you can’t do.”

Shinji shrugged, a cocky grin on his face. “Give me time.”

Shuya shook his head. “I guess I’m just confused,” he said, putting his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. “You’ve seemed a little off since the announcement.”

“You noticed that?” Shinji asked, one eyebrow arched in question.

“Well, no. Hiroki did.” That made so much more sense. “But once he pointed it out, I wondered why. And after I talked to Shogo, I guessed you just didn’t think things were safe. And I was ready to talk about that.”

“Did you have a speech prepared?” Shinji asked, already knowing the answer.

“I wouldn’t call it a speech,” Shuya said defensively.

“Were you going to quote a rock song?” Shinji asked, grin on his face.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“More than one?” Shinji asked mockingly.

“Fine, there were a couple of songs I was going use to explain why we had to fight for our right to party,” Shuya admitted.

“Was that a song lyric?”

Shuya grinned. “So what if it was?”

“You are the lamest person I know.” _After Iijima, of course._

Shuya looked as though he’d been wounded. “Rock is literally the best and most powerful music in the world!” Shuya yelled, his passion bringing him to his feet. “It’s literally the music of revolution. You love revolution!”

From his spot on the ground, Shinji couldn’t help but grin up at Shuya. It was good that the revolution had happened when it did. It had to be luck that Shuya had managed to keep _anyone_ from knowing that he was obsessed with rock.

“Yeah, I guess I do love revolution,” Shinji said, deciding that he’d had enough fun messing with his friend.

“And besides, that wasn’t the point of what I was saying,” Shuya said, still standing above Shinji.

“What was that point again?” Shinji asked facetiously as he rubbed his chin in mock thought.

“You’ve been acting weird,” Shuya reminded him before sliding back down the wall to sit beside him. “And if it’s not because you think going to Sho’s party is dangerous, then it must be something else. So what’s up with you?”

That was a question that his brain had spent ample time dissecting over the last two days, as his heart had sat around content with a one name answer.

Shinji shrugged. “The war is over, Shu.”

Shuya’s brows knitted together in confusion. “Okay… But that’s a good thing. Isn’t it?” Shuya asked, and Shinji could tell he was rolling the statement over in his head trying to find a way that it was wrong.

Shinji laughed. “Of course it is,” he agreed. “It’s what we’ve been fighting for.”

“So why do you sound like it’s not good?” Shuya asked softly. “I’ve never heard you sound like this.”

“It’s not because I’m not happy. I’m _glad_ that it’s over.” As Shinji said it, it struck him that it might have been the first time that he’d ever expressed that. “This country took from us. It took our childhoods and warped them. It took my Uncle from me, and then mocked him by pretending it was an accident.”

Shinji’s hands were fists in his pants pockets as he spoke. He didn’t dare look at Shuya as he spoke. His words were too honest. He liked Shuya, but this was more vulnerability than he’d ever shown him before, and it sure as hell wasn’t comfortable.

“But now we’re taking it back. We’re making it something better than it ever was. It’s a place my Uncle would have loved to see,” Shinji said. Then quieter, “I think he would have been proud of what I accomplished.”

“He would have been,” Shuya said quickly. “I know I never met him, but he would have. You gave up a lot, Shinji. Near the end— no one was working like you were.”

When Shinji spared Shuya a glace it looked like he was debating some form of comfort, his hand half raised toward Shinji, but unmoving. Shinji grinned and pushed his hand down. He hoped to spare himself from any awkward half-hug that Shuya was considering giving him.

“That’s the thing though— near the end. Near the end was a year ago,” Shinji explained, finally looking at Shuya head on again. “And for me, I’m still having trouble with that. I guess I didn’t think I’d see the end.”

Shuya let out an indignant noise. A sound that showed just how offended he was by the idea that Shinji Mimura could ever die. Shinji couldn’t help laughing at his friend’s troubled face.

“Relax, man. I might be playing it up a little.” He was not. “Besides, that’s not the point, really. What I’m getting at is that I’m just now starting to accept that things are going to be okay. And there’s some baggage with that.”

“What kind of baggage?” Shuya asked as a kid was starting to approach them. Before she could get within hearing distance, Shuya motioned her away with his hand. The serious look on his face probably did more for the cause than the hand gesture did, though. She looked worried as she chose to go inside instead.

“For starters, proud or not, my Uncle didn’t want me worrying about a revolution. He wanted me to be happy. And when I was hacking all day and night, I wasn’t really focused on that. I didn’t have time for it,” Shinji explained. “Now, suddenly, I have time, and I even figured out what I want.”

“That’s great! What’s the issue with that?” Shuya asked, leaning far into Shinji’s space. Shinji thought Shuya was showing amazing restraint by not asking Shinji what he wanted and demanding they go and get it that second.

“I’m not sure I can have it,” Shinji let his head rest against the orphanage wall again. “And if I decide to go for it, I’m not sure when I should do it.”

“That’s easy,” Shuya said with a gigantic grin on his face.

“Let me guess,” Shinji said, a joking tone to his voice. “You know I can have anything I want because of how amazing, talented, and handsome I am, and you think I should go after what I want immediately?”

Shuya rolled his eyes, but given the grin on his face it didn’t have much effect. “I would absolutely love to give you that advice,” Shuya said, his tone hinting that there was more to the statement.

“But?” Shinji asked curiously.

“You’d never take it,” Shuya said, changing his sitting position so that he was practically lying against the wall, his legs spread out, and the perfect image of relaxed and cool. “So instead I’m going to give you the advice that you would give me.”

“I cannot wait to hear this,” Shinji said.

“It’s like basketball,” Shuya started, already looking proud. “You have to take the shot eventually or you can’t win the game. It doesn’t matter how bad your odds are of sinking the shot— you still have to try, even if it’s at half court.”

Shinji smiled lightly. He reminded him of something his Uncle used to say. Even if your chances of success are less than one-percent, you still have to try.

“Not bad, man. That does sound like the kind of stellar advice I would give,” Shinji said.

“I’m not done,” Shuya said, not waiting for Shinji’s approval to continue. “You shouldn’t be worried about when to take the shot either.”

“No?” Shinji questioned with a raised brow.

“No, because you’re amazing, talented, and handsome,” Shuya said mockingly, making Shinji laugh.

“You’ve got me there,” Shinji said, still not ready to act on his feelings, but at least feeling better.

“But you also have the best judgement of anyone I know,” Shuya said earnestly, in a way that told Shinji that this was his actual advice. “When you’re on the court, you’re great because you know when you have to take the shot or when you can afford to wait for a better one. You understand that the clock is ticking down, but you don’t let it control you. So I know that when the right time to take the shot comes along, you’ll take it. And you’ll probably make it, because you’re the Third Man, and you don’t miss. But even if you do miss, no one was going to make a better shot than you, so you might as well take it.”

Shinji couldn’t help looking at Shuya a little deeper. It seemed like somewhere along the line he’d gotten wise. Maybe in between writing rock anthems he’d been growing up. Time was wild.

“Thanks, Shu,” Shinji said with a sincere smile. “I think that advice really might have come close to being as good as what I would give.”

Shuya smiled and shook his head, but Shinji knew he understood that he was grateful.

Then, with perfect timing, Yoshitoki walked back outside, flour coating the front of his shirt. “The kids found out we made brownies. They may riot before dinner.”

“You made brownies?” Shuya yelled before leaping to his feet. “Did you already lick the spoon?”

Mr. Nobu grinned. “You should have picked paper.”

As Shuya groaned and cursed Yoshitoki for not coming to get him, Shinji laughed. They might all have grown up in the last couple of years, but they were still kids. And there was still time to go after what they wanted, if Shuya running into the orphanage in hopes of licking the bowl meant anything.


	6. A Sea of Cosmetics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinji and Yutaka go shopping. They talk about skin care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was originally going to be longer, but it got a little out of hand, so I split it. Hopefully this doesn't seem like a weird cutoff because it was my only option, lol.

“I’m still not sure if you’re supposed to bring a present to a coming out party,” Shinji said as he and Yutaka walked down the hall of the Kagawa outlet mall.

“Do you really want to risk being the only one who doesn’t?” Yutaka asked, as he eyed a kiosk selling sunglasses. “I mean, imagine him, _‘Oh, Mimura, no need to feel bad, how about you just give me a dance as a gift.’_ And then you’d have to dance with him, or you’d look like twice the asshole for not bringing him a gift _and_ turning him down at his own party.” Yutaka’s Sho impression was a little too exaggerated, but he certainly got the point across. 

Shinji really didn’t want to think about having to share a dance with Sho. He couldn’t imagine Sho not taking to opportunity to get handsy.

Still, Yutaka wasn’t thinking about the implications of bringing a gift. Shinji decided to bring that up as the two of them walked over to the sunglasses kiosk.

“But what if we’re the only ones who bring gifts? Suddenly he’s only focused on my gift and it’s, _‘Oh,_ Shinji _, I didn’t know you cared so much! Let’s plan that date.’_ And once again I’m rejecting him at his own party,” Shinji said as he watched Yutaka put on various pairs of sunglasses and then look at himself in the small mirror attached to the side of the cart.

“That’s why we have to make it one gift from both of us. Then you can deflect onto me, since I'm not his type,” Yutaka said as he reached up for a pair of all white, cat eyed sunglasses that were covered in rhinestones. They were hideously gaudy. He put them on his face before turning to Shinji and asking, “Do you think he’d like these?”

Shinji chuckled looking at Yutaka. The sunglasses dwarfed his face and did not at all go with the t-shirt and zip up jacket he was wearing. Not that those sunglasses could ever really _go_ with anything. They were awful and were obviously only made to garner attention.

So, yeah, Shinji figured they were perfect for Sho. At least until he noticed the price sticker hanging off of the side of the glasses.

“Did you look at the price tag?” Shinji asked, crossing his arms.

“No, they have to be cheap, right?” Yutaka asked. A few steps away the man working the kiosk scoffed.

“They’re 10,000 yen.”

“Holy shit! Get them off my face before I break them! They’re worth more than me,” Yutaka said freezing and sticking his hands out to the side like he was afraid he would somehow accidentally knock them off of his face.

Shinji couldn’t help laughing even as Yutaka remained in his frozen state.

The kiosk worker chose that time to walk over. “Can I help you two with anything?” His tone made it clear that what he really meant was, _‘If you aren’t interested in buying overpriced sunglasses, then go the hell away.’_

“No,” Shinji answered calmly as he took the sunglasses off of Yutaka’s face and placed them back on their spot on the cart. His tone was friendly and casual. “I think we’re going to look around more before we make a decision.”

Shinji’s charming demeanor didn’t do anything to take the scowl off the kiosk worker’s face. He didn’t say a word to either of them as they walked away from the stand.

“Fuck, who would pay 10,000 yen for those?” Yutaka asked still well within ear-shot of the kiosk worker. Shinji snickered as the worker shot them another glare. “Seriously, they looked like something a trashy grandma would wear!”

“Still think a gift is a good idea?” Shinji asked. He couldn’t help grinning at Yutaka. He kind of liked it when Yutaka got riled up over things like that.

“Yeah, but a cheap gift. I’m thinking 1,300 yen from each of us, for a 2,600 yen max total,” Yutaka said.

“I like it. It says, we thought of you, but only a little,” Shinji said as he began to slow down in front of a cosmetic store. Maybe they could find something there?

“That’s just the message we’re trying to send,” Yutaka agreed. He then looked over at the cosmetic store. “You want to check it out?”

“I guess. I’m not really sure what to get him. I have no idea what he likes other than cigarettes and his hair,” Shinji admitted as they went inside the store.

“Hmm, do you think we could get cigarettes?” Yutaka asked.

“Eh, I probably could, but I’m not sure what brand he smokes,” Shinji said as they wondered the aisles.

“Does it matter? Aren’t they all pretty much the same?” Yutaka asked, looking at the shelves on his side of the aisle.

Shinji shook his head as they walked past a hair dye display. “No, usually people have a favorite brand. Like how Kawada likes Wild Sevens.”

“No wonder he likes Shuya so much,” Yutaka joked before stopping in front of hair gels. “What about hair gel?”

“I don’t know what kind he would want,” Shinji said as he looked through the aisle. There were several different brands, some marketed for women and some for men.

“Do people have a favorite brand of that too?” Yutaka asked. Then with a mocking tone he asked, “What’s your brand, Shinji?”

Shinji lightly shoved him, both of them laughing a little. “It’s not just about brand, it’s about strength. I could probably make do with anything if I needed to,” Shinji did not point out his preferred brand that was a little way down the aisle. “But I don’t know what Sho needs to get his pompadour to stay in place.”

Yutaka sighed and they continued their walk.

“What about lotion? Some kind of moisturizer?” Shinji suggested as he picked up a bottle.

“Do guys moisturize?” Yutaka asked. “Should I be moisturizing?”

“Depends on how dry your skin is. Come here, let me check,” Shinji said, putting the lotion bottle down on the shelf. “Roll up your sleeves.”

Yutaka did so without question, then held out his arms for Shinji. Shinji rubbed up and down both of them from elbow to wrist, or to wristwatch in the case of his right arm, humming in mock thought as he went. He didn’t actually have much knowledge on the subject, other than knowing that his sister kept moisturizer in their shared bathroom, but he wanted to see what Yutaka would let him do before he caught on.

Shinji kept his face looking serious and inquisitive as he pulled his hands away from Yutaka’s arms. “Let’s check your face,” he said, keeping his tone thoughtful.

He then reached up and began rubbing his hands over Yutaka’s face. He had barely managed to move his hands over Yutaka’s cheeks when he couldn’t keep from smiling anymore. It was just too goofy, having his hands on Yutaka’s face and standing so close. It made him feel giddy, like he wanted to get closer, but also like he was going to burst out into laughter at any second. It was weird and strange and _so_ good.

Yutaka caught his grin and frowned. “What? Is there something wrong with my face? Do I feel like a lizard?”

Yutaka pulled away from Shinji’s hands to rub his own over his face experimentally. Shinji only took a few seconds to enjoy Yutaka’s confusion before he spoke.

“Relax,” Shinji said, batting Yutaka’s hands away from his face. “You’re as smooth as a baby’s bottom.” To make his point, Shinji gave a light double pat to Yutaka’s right cheek as he winked.

Yutaka looked embarrassed for about half a second before he squinted his eyes in Shinji’s direction.

“You don’t know anything about lotion, do you?” Yutaka asked.

Shinji grinned, wide like a shark. “I do not.” After a pause he added, “But if I had to guess I’d say you don’t need it.”

“I bet you do,” Yutaka said teasingly, before gently throwing a plastic lotion bottle at Shinji’s chest. “I bet your skin feels like sandpaper.”

Shinji caught the bottle and winked. “Only one way for you to find out.”

Yutaka looked at Shinji like maybe he was considering it before he turned away with a slight blush on his face. “We’ve got to find a present for Sho.”

_Interesting._

Shinji put the lotion bottle back on the shelf. “No need to rush; we’ve got all day,” he said as they began to walk again.

“I know. I just,” Yutaka paused, seeming to consider his word choice. “Want to make sure we find something.”

“Worst case scenario, we can get him a card,” Shinji suggested as they walked by a cosmetic display. That was a no-go. If Sho wore makeup to school, Shinji couldn’t tell. And even if he did, Shinji wouldn’t have known what to get without calling up old girlfriends to see what they used.

Yutaka laughed. “We’d have to make it ourselves. I don’t think they make coming out cards.”

“I figured we’d just cross some words out on a birthday card,” Shinji said as they walked into another aisle.

“That’s— Oh! Look, mirrors!” Yutaka cut himself off as he walked toward a shelf that held a clear box of compact mirrors. “He gets in trouble sometimes in class for having his mirror out, right?”

“Yeah, nice find,” Shinji said, looking at the top layer of mirrors.

There were probably a hundred different mirrors, all in different colors, and some with designs on them. There was no organizational system, so both of them started pulling mirrors out at random to look at them.

“This one is glittery,” Yutaka said after a minute, holding up a navy-blue compact mirror that sparkled throughout.

However, when Yutaka had pulled that mirror from the box, Shinji had noticed the perfect one behind it. He grabbed it and held it up for Yutaka to inspect. “That’s too tasteful, so I’ll do you one better.”

The compact mirror in Shinji’s hand had a peacock bejeweled onto it, with a shiny silver base. It was a little over the top, but then, so was Sho.

“Dude, that’s perfect!” Yutaka said before looking down at the price on the display. “And only 1,500 yen!”

“Perfect, let’s buy it and get out of here. I want to check out the game store,” Shinji said, guiding Yutaka toward the register.

Despite acting eager to leave, Shinji really couldn't complain about their foray into the cosmetic store. He didn't think he could have a bad time as long as Yutaka was his company. 


	7. Dramatic Talks on the Way Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinji and Yutaka talk about stuff, including Sho, Izumi Kanai, and apologies. Maybe now they can stop being so dramatic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter really reminds me of how completely self-indulgent this fic is. Like, expect some links to stuff that happened in the program shoehorned in here for no reason. I just wanted it.
> 
> Anyway, this is the last finished chapter that I had. I'm working on the next chapter now. Will it be done by next week? Who can say? 
> 
> Also, my best estimate is that this fic will conclude at 10 chapters. Unless I get long winded, which tends to happen more often than not. But I seriously think 10 chapters.

The sun was setting by the time they left the mall. After buying Sho’s gift, they’d checked out a few stores of interest, just to browse, and then they’d made their way to the food court for dinner. After binging on greasy pizza and cokes they’d decided to call it a night.

“Man, I’m so glad we managed to find something Sho is actually going to like,” Yutaka said as they started down the sidewalk toward the train station.

The plastic bag holding Sho’s compact mirror was in Yutaka’s hand, along with a bag that held a couple of comic books.

Shinji hummed. “I don’t really get why you were so worried about it. It’s not like we’re close to him.” Shinji left his thoughts at that, waiting to see if Yutaka would answer his unasked question of: _Why are you making a big thing about this?_

It wasn’t like Shinji minded. He liked the mall, and shopping for Sho had been fun. Hell, it’d given him a whole afternoon alone with Yutaka, which he’d thoroughly enjoyed.

But it was kind of weird when he thought about it. Because it had made sense that Yutaka wanted to get Sho something in case other people did, and it had made sense that he hadn’t wanted to spend a lot of money on it. Where Shinji got confused was at Yutaka’s relief at finding something good. It seemed to reveal that Yutaka cared a little more than he was letting on, and Shinji was curious as to why.

“Yeah, but,” Yutaka paused for a moment, seeming to debate his next words. “Well, isn’t it kind of a big deal?”

“Isn’t what a big deal?” Shinji asked.

“Him coming out,” Yutaka said, looking more at the ground than at Shinji.

Shinji laughed then. “I’m sorry, did you think there was someone in our class who didn’t know he was gay? Even Shuya picked up on it by the start of high school.”

Yutaka continued looking down at his feet. “Yeah, but he actually said it to everyone. That’s kind of brave. Even if everyone already knew… I mean, Oda probably knew he was gay, but he was still a dick about it. Sho couldn’t have known what kind of reaction he’d get, but he said it anyway. I think that’s kind of cool.”

Shinji hadn’t really thought about it like that. He hadn’t really thought about it past thinking that it had been a dumb move on Sho’s part to say anything. He hadn’t even given Oda’s comment to Sho much thought because, well, it was Sho. And Shinji couldn’t really imagine anyone hurting Sho’s feelings. He’d certainly said his fair share of shit to him, and Sho never seemed to acknowledge any malice. He just laughed and went on about his day.

But maybe Yutaka had a point. Even if Sho seemed untouchable in his own way, there was no telling what went on inside his head. Maybe there was some bravery involved in his confession. Hell, maybe it’d been a lot more bravery and a lot less stupidity than Shinji had originally thought.

Ugh, it made him a little sick to think about it that way. After all, he’d never been especially nice to Sho, and now here he was in love with a guy himself. 

Still, he couldn’t bring himself to feel _that_ bad. Sho was the one who kept coming around him, after all.

“I’m not sure I like you making me think about Sho’s feelings, given his relentless pursuit of a date with me,” Shinji joked.

Yutaka was quiet for a second too long, and Shinji was about to prompt him about it, but then he finally spoke.

“He can’t help that he likes you, you know?”

Shinji’s brows came together in thought. “I guess not, but he could take no as an answer.” 

Yutaka nodded. “I’m not saying he goes about it the right way, just that… Liking someone who’s never going to like you back blows.”

Shinji made a noise to signal that he’d heard him as they continued their walk toward the train station. They were getting close and the streets around them were starting to look a little busier.

What Yutaka said made Shinji think, not really because of Sho, but because of Yutaka’s tone of voice. Shinji couldn’t quite tell if Yutaka was empathizing with Sho or projecting.

And if he was empathizing, then okay. Shinji could understand that. Yutaka had a big heart and was like that sometimes.

But if he was projecting…

Well, it wasn’t impossible that Yutaka liked him and thought Shinji would never like him back. Shinji had only just started to acknowledge his own feelings, so it wasn’t like Yutaka would have had a lot of time to catch onto them.

But there was also the other possibility.

They hadn’t talked about Izumi Kanai since before Shinji had started his spiral. When things had started getting back to normal between them, Yutaka hadn’t mentioned her, and Shinji had assumed he was over her. But maybe he just hadn’t felt like bringing her up to Shinji.

But it would fit if he was still hung up on her. Shinji had been at his worst when Kanai had started dating Numai. He hadn’t even said anything to Yutaka at the time. He’d just pushed it aside because fighting their evil government ranked higher on his priority list than dealing with Yutaka’s feelings about a girl who wasn’t even hot.

Fuck, he’d been a bad friend last year.

“Do you still like Kanai?” Shinji asked. He didn’t bother easing into the topic, figuring there wasn’t much sense in being coy.

Yutaka looked up at him in surprise.

“You mentioning liking someone made me think about it. We haven’t really talked about that kind of stuff since before things got bad with me,” Shinji explained.

Yutaka nodded in understanding. “No, I haven’t felt that way about her in a long time.”

Shinji felt embarrassed by the feeling of relief that Yutaka’s admission brought him.

“What changed?” Shinji asked. “Her and Numai getting together?”

“No, it was before that,” Yutaka said, before kicking a pebble on the sidewalk. “I guess I don’t know exactly what changed. I mean, maybe my feelings just weren’t as strong as I thought, or maybe they just fizzled out, but…”

Yutaka trailed off, and Shinji could tell Yutaka was thinking of how to say his next words.

“I remember the day I realized I didn’t feel that way anymore,” Yutaka said, stopping to lean against a streetlight.

Shinji stopped with him. They were only a minute away from the train and Shinji understood not wanting to have a serious conversation with a crowd of people around.

“You’d been annoyed with me for a couple of days… I had come over, and you hadn’t had a shirt on, and I kind of freaked out, seeing how much weight you’d actually lost. Like, I knew it was bad but… Your ribs were starting to show, and I could have counted the knots in your back… Do you remember that?” Yutaka asked, looking up at Shinji.

Shinji did remember. It was just one instance among many where Shinji had told Yutaka to get out of his house, but it stuck out. Shinji had opened his bedroom door without thinking, and Yutaka had gone pale, looking at him like he was a creature in a horror movie, but his fear wasn’t _of_ him, it was _for_ him. Shinji had seen that look and had immediately turned face and demanded that Yutaka get out. He’d been so angry about that look. That scared look that he would remember every time he looked in the mirror and saw his own sunken body for months to come.

“I remember.” Shinji wasn’t sure what else he could say without derailing the conversation.

Luckily, Yutaka seemed satisfied with just that.

“Well, it was a couple days after that, I invited you to get food after school,” Yutaka said.

If Yutaka was talking about the day he thought he was, he remembered. But even if it wasn’t that day, he had a pretty good idea of how he would have reacted.

“You told me you were fine and to mind my own business, and I was _so_ frustrated because you were so far from fine at that point, but you wouldn’t let me do anything. Anyway,” Yutaka shook his head. “I guess that part doesn’t really matter. I ended up at the school late and ran into Kanai.”

Shinji nodded to show he was listening. It was the day Shinji had been thinking of, although that wasn’t the part of the day that stuck out for him. The part that was relevant to Shinji had came later when Yutaka showed up to his house, shoved a bag of food into his hands, and wouldn’t take any of Shinji’s shit about it. Shinji remembered it as the first time Yutaka had ever yelled at him.

He’d never heard the events that proceeded it, though. He hadn’t realized there were any, other than Yutaka deciding to put his foot down. He wondered if Kanai somehow had something to do with that.

“Looking back on it now, she could probably see that I’d been—that I was upset,” Yutaka corrected himself. Shinji wondered what he’d been going to say. “But, anyway, she came up to me, you know?”

Shinji nodded again. That felt like the only thing he could do. He heard a bird call out above them, but he didn’t look in its direction.

“We talked about you for a minute. I don’t remember why you came up, but she asked if you were okay. And I played it off like you weren’t doing that bad, because it’s not like I could tell her what you were doing that had you so messed up. And even if I could, it wouldn’t have done any good. And I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t doing any good either,” Yutaka said, still looking down at his feet.

“That’s not true,” Shinji said gently. “You were helping. I was just stubborn.”

_I’m not fighting with you. I brought you food, fucking eat it._

Yutaka looked up at him then and smiled a little.

“She asked if I was okay after that,” Yutaka continued, this time looking at Shinji. “She said she’d noticed that I’d been different, that I hadn’t been joking around as much. She said she was a great listener if I needed one.”

Yutaka laughed then, like he was recalling a funny story. He then offered Shinji a look of apology.

“It was so stupid, Shinji. Like, all of a sudden after she said that my brain kicked in and was like, ‘Yo, this is _Izumi Kanai_! You’ve liked her forever, and she’s here saying that she _notices_ you. She knows you exist and is willing to talk to you!’ And I just… I didn’t _care._ You looked like shit, and that was all I could think about,” Yutaka said, still maintaining eye contact.

Shinji winced a little. “I guess dealing with me was kind of a full-time thing. Sorry there were no company benefits.”

Yutaka frowned. “I didn’t mean it like it was your fault. It wasn’t,” Yutaka said, brow furrowed in concern. “I just meant that, if I had still liked her, I would have cared. It would have been a silver lining. Like, if she had approached me like that a year earlier, I would have been over the moon. You being messed up wouldn’t have changed that. I still would have cared about you, but I would have welcomed a distraction. I would have probably spilled my guts to her. I would have felt better knowing that she cared. But, when she did come talk to me, it wasn’t like that. It was like she had somehow gone from the prettiest girl in the world to just a girl, and I hadn’t noticed until then. Her caring didn’t make things any less shitty. So that’s when I realized I didn’t feel that way about her anymore.”

Shinji mulled that over in his head.

On the plus side, Yutaka was definitely over Kanai. He was right, had Yutaka been approached like that in junior high, he probably would have combusted from excitement. Kanai noticing him to any degree would have been enough to turn him into a pile of mush.

So that was cool.

On the other hand, it pretty much sounded like he’d been responsible for Yutaka’s feelings changing, and not in a good way. Yutaka had spent so much time worrying about Shinji that he hadn’t had time to think about the girl he liked.

That was not great.

_Except, hey, he did that because he cared about you. It’s pretty awesome that he prioritized you, isn’t it?_

God, what a selfish thought that was.

“I know you said it wasn’t my fault, but it sounds like it was, at least a little bit,” Shinji said, putting his hands in his pockets in hopes of looking more casual. “You were spending a lot of time worrying about me and trying to get me to take care of myself, and that shouldn’t have been on you. You should have had that time to focus on other people.”

Yutaka stared at Shinji in disbelief. “ _I_ put it on _me_ , and _I_ didn’t want to focus on other people. I wanted to be with _you_ , making sure _you_ were okay.” Yutaka had stopped leaning against the streetlight and was standing to face him.

“All I’m saying is, I’m sorry you had to do that,” Shinji said, unsure why Yutaka sounded frustrated.

The frustration was gone from Yutaka’s voice when he softly said, “You don’t have to keep apologizing.”

Shinji let out a short laugh. “I’ve apologized exactly twice for a year’s worth of shit. I don’t think I’m being excessive here.”

Yutaka shook his head. “You’ve been apologizing for the last _year_ , Shinji,” he said firmly. “You might not have said it out loud, but I heard you anyway. Because you got better. You put in the work. You stopped doing the shit that was hurting everyone.”

Then softer he said, “You started being my best friend again. You were there when I needed you and whenever I just wanted you around. You made it up to me.” Yutaka grinned at him. “It was nice hearing you apologize, but I don’t need you to keep repeating it. I heard you.”

Shinji’s throat felt tight. He hadn’t expected to hear that. He wasn’t sure if he deserved it.

“I just feel like I’ve gotten off way too easy with this,” Shinji confessed.

And that was true. He’d completely lost control last year and had been a horrible person to be around. He hadn’t been keeping up appearances. He’d messed up a lot of things.

So where were the consequences?

His body was pretty much back to normal, he still had all his friends, and he was still alive. How fucking lucky could one person be? How had he not lost anything? How had he risked everything and somehow come up ahead?

_Because you’re The Third Man?_

_Nah, someone must have been looking down on you._

“You lost a lot of time,” Yutaka pointed out.

And that was also true. He’d made a trade in order to help with the revolution, and with that trade he’d given away over a year of his life. But he hadn’t expected to have any time left after, so he certainly didn’t expect things to work out so well.

_Well, they did, though. So just take the win and stop bitching about it._

“Yeah, I guess so,” Shinji agreed. A little bit of doubt lingered in his mind, but he did his best to push it out.

“If it was the other way around, would you have forgiven me?” Yutaka asked, sounding like he already knew the answer.

Shinji couldn’t imagine Yutaka doing anything like what he did, but he tried to think of something equivalent. He thought about the things that upset him the most. He thought about lying, and about how his parents didn’t trust each other, and about how he was still bitter about Iijima bailing on him over three years ago and then trying to cover it up.

He tried to imagine a situation like that. One where Yutaka lied to him, or didn’t trust him, or bailed on him. Even thinking about it stung, because there was no one he trusted like he did Yutaka, but he tried to seriously imagine it.

Would he forgive Yutaka? Could he?

But he already knew the answer.

“Yeah,” Shinji answered honestly. “I don’t think I could hold anything against you. Not for long, anyway.”

Even if he didn’t like Yutaka romantically, he knew that was true. Yutaka was his best friend, second to no one. He could betray Shinji, and Shinji would forgive him. It might devastate him, but he loved Yutaka too much to not have him in his life.

_Huh, kind of makes me wonder if I was too hard on Iijima. Maybe he felt that way about me._

_Fuck it, I’m not going to get introspective about him. Damn coward._

“Then considering that I’m way more forgiving than you, it should come as no surprise that I couldn’t either,” Yutaka said, looking up at him with big brown eyes.

Shinji smiled, then put a hand on Yutaka’s shoulder. “Thanks for the pep talk. I needed it.”

Yutaka grinned back, before patting Shinji's arm. “Anytime.”

“Come on, let’s go catch the train.”

Walking down the street together, Shinji felt light. He hadn’t quite tackled having a crush on Yutaka, but as far as being best friends went, they were solid. And as long as he always had that, he figured he’d be okay with anything else that did or didn’t happen with them.

“You know, thinking about last year, you really did put yourself through a lot,” Yutaka said, voice sounding the way it usually did before he told the punchline to a joke.

“Yeah?” Shinji asked, smiling as he waited for the joke.

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t think I’ll ever get over how stupid your hair looked. I mean, no gel? No dye? Who even were you?” Yutaka joked, dodging a mother with a stroller who was leaving the train station.

Shinji laughed. To even imagine his lack of hair care being on the list of suffering was kind of hysterical. Still, he did remember the first time he’d dyed his hair after his spiral. It’d been nice to look in the mirror and actually look like himself.

They walked into the station and went to the waiting gate to stand.

Shinji ran a hand through his hair. “You know my roots are getting pretty bad. You should come over tomorrow, help me dye it. I’d hate to look stupid at Sho’s party.”

He didn’t need Yutaka’s help to dye his hair. His hair was short enough to manage by himself. And even if it wasn’t, his sister would probably be around to help. But he kind of liked the idea of Yutaka’s hands in his hair, fingers rubbing against his scalp.

Yeah, that sounded pretty nice.

“Sounds good to me,” Yutaka said, smiling as they were allowed to board the train.

Shinji followed him, grinning at the back of his head.


	8. The Party, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinji and Yutaka arrive at the party. They have fun, but they'd have more fun if people didn't keep interrupting them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! But, hey, I think this may be the longest chapter yet (despite it not feeling like a lot happens).

“I don’t think I’ve ever been through this area before,” Yutaka said as he stopped to look at a wall of graffiti.

“That’s because your only criminal activity has been looking at porn with me,” Shinji said as he pushed Yutaka forward.

It was the night of the party, and they were currently walking to the address Sho had written down for Yutaka a few days prior. Shinji had been in the area before a few times with Shogo, but he’d never done more than wait outside of a house for him.

They weren’t exactly the nice part of town, but Shinji had known that coming in. They were, after all, going to a gay bar. Shinji figured it’d still be awhile before those started popping up in more respectable areas.

“Hey, that’s pretty high stakes stuff,” Yutaka said, as he eyed his surroundings curiously while they walked.

“Yes, looking at all those tits made you quite the badass,” Shinji said as he adjusted a spike in his freshly dyed hair (he had been right in his decision to have Yutaka help him yesterday. Yutaka’s hands in his hair had felt nice, and Yutaka’s face scrunching up at the smell had had Shinji laughing even though it was kind of cute). “It should be around this corner.”

Yutaka ignored Shinji’s comments about his badassery, seeming more focused on getting around the corner and to where they were going.

They walked a little longer and stopped in front of the bar on the street called, The Tasting Room.

“It looks pretty normal,” Yutaka observed from the outside.

“Yeah,” Shinji agreed, but that wasn’t what struck him as odd. “It’s quiet.”

Yutaka’s brow knitted together. “Maybe the soundproofing is really good?” he guessed.

Shinji shrugged before he walked forward and opened the door.

Inside looked like any bar Shinji had ever imagined. A counter with stools in front of it and drinks behind it, some tables to the side, and a jukebox in the back.

What was weird was that there were only three people in the bar, two men sitting on stools and the bartender who was laughing as he served them.

Shinji didn’t have time to look for Yutaka’s reaction before the bartender noticed them and waved them over to an empty part of the bar.

“Right over here! You two must be here for Sho’s party?” The barkeeper asked them as he pulled a clipboard out from under the bar.

The barkeeper looked enough like Sho for Shinji to assume this was his father, although the resemblance wasn’t so striking that it would be obvious.

“Uh, yeah. This is a little more lowkey than we expected,” Shinji said instead of pointing out the obvious, which was that none of their classmates were there.

The bartender laughed. “Oh, don’t worry, honey, you won’t be partying with us, geezers.”

To the side one of the patrons called out, “Who are you calling geezers?”

The other said, “Baby, I know you did not just talk about yourself that way after I _just_ did your hair.”

The bartender grinned as he looked over at them. “Just a little joke for the kids!” He then looked back to Shinji and Yutaka. “Now, what are your names?”

Shinji realized that the clipboard in his hands held a list of names. Apparently Sho had made a guestlist.

“Shinji Mimura,” Shinji said, despite still feeling skeptical. However, given how many of his classmates’ names had already been checked off, he didn’t figure there was a point in bolting.

“Oh, I should have known! You _are_ a cutie,” the bartender said teasingly.

Shinji had to fight to keep the grimace off his face, not because Sho’s father (presumably) had said it in an inappropriate way, but because obviously Sho had talked to his father about him.

_Dude, come on. I don’t talk to my parents about you._

He then turned to Yutaka. “That makes you Yutaka Seto, right?”

“Oh, yeah,” Yutaka said, sounding surprised.

Apparently Sho had also told his father to expect them to come together. Nice.

“Perfect! Let me take you to the party!” The bartender said once he’d checked off their names.

Shinji looked to Yutaka as the man circled out from around the bar. Yutaka mouthed, ‘ _Second location?_ ’ but Shinji just shrugged. All he knew was that they weren’t going to get in a car with this guy.

Luckily, the bartender didn’t head to the door. Once he was around the bar, he waved them over toward the jukebox. Shinji and Yutaka walked over despite having no idea what they were doing. Shinji didn’t see a door or stairs anywhere.

Once they were near the jukebox, the bartender grabbed hold of the side of it and pulled hard. The jukebox pulled away and a doorway appeared behind it. Shinji hadn’t even noticed a seam in the wall due to how the wall paneling was laid.

Through the black doorway Shinji could hear music and talking.

“Be careful going down the stairs, and make sure you enjoy yourselves,” Sho’s dad said, ushering them through the open doorway.

Shinji couldn’t pretend he wasn’t impressed by the ingenuity. A secret basement was a pretty great idea for an illegal business. He wondered if the actual bar was also downstairs, given that what he was seeing seemed pretty plain.

“Thanks!” Yutaka said as they walked through the doorway, Shinji in front.

When they entered the doorway, there was a wall less than a meter in front of them. When they looked right, they could see they were in a small hallway, light from the open doorway the only thing lighting the passage. They walked down the hallway until they reached the stairs at the end. It was right as Shinji reached the stairs that the doorway behind them was closed off, leaving them in total darkness. There didn’t even seem to be much light coming from below them.

“Watch the stairs here,” Shinji said behind him before he started walking down them, his right hand on the handrail connected to the wall. He made it about halfway down before the side of the stairs that didn’t have a handrail opened up to show the room.

“Woah,” Shinji said, finally being able to look into the open room.

“What? Keep going; I want to see,” Yutaka said, lightly pushing against his back.

Shinji grinned before walking further down so that Yutaka could see.

“Holy shit,” Yutaka marveled.

To the side was a sea of neon and blacklights. Everywhere they looked there were shining signs and glowing colors. Everyone seemed to have been given several glowsticks, and in the blacklights a lot of clothing was glowing. It wasn’t like anything Shinji had ever seen before.

“This is really fucking cool,” Yutaka said from behind him.

Shinji couldn’t disagree.

“Come on, let’s get in on this,” Shinji said, excitement filling him, and his skepticism from upstairs gone.

When they made it to the end of the stairs they were met by Hiroshi Kuronaga and Ryuhei Sasagawa. Kuronaga had so many glowsticks around his neck that he looked like he was wearing an African neck ring, while Sasagawa had them scattered across his person.

“Mimura,” Sasagawa said, sounding like he was saying an insult rather than a name. Shinji wasn’t sure what was up with that. It wasn’t like they were friends, but damn, they’d never had beef. “Seto,” he added, sounding more like an afterthought.

“Sasagawa,” Shinji greeted, with a nod of his head.

“Hey, man,” Yutaka said. He then pointed out to the rest of the party. “This is pretty awesome.”

“Hell yeah, it is!” Kuronaga said proudly. He then handed them each a bundle of glowsticks. “It took us forever to steal all of these.”

Sasagawa smacked the back of his head. “Don’t tell them we stole shit!”

“We’ll keep it our secret,” Shinji said as he and Yutaka cracked the glowsticks and started putting them on. He really wanted to get away from the Kiriyama Family.

Behind them sitting at a table near the stairs he could see Mitsuru Numai sitting with Kazuo Kiriyama on one side and Izumi Kanai on the other. In the middle of the table were piles of glowsticks, a large stack of plastic shot cups, and a couple of bottles of unmarked liquor.

“Whatever,” Sasagawa said before pointing them to the table that the rest on the Kiriyama Family, minus Sho, was sitting at. He then led them there.

Kuranoga poured them each a shot from the unmarked bottle and handed it to them. “Your entrance shots!” he said excitedly.

He and Yutaka each grabbed their shots, and Yutaka turned to Kanai before either of them drank it. “Am I going to regret this?”

“I spit out most of mine,” she admitted sheepishly. Shinji thought her cheeks looked red from alcohol, but it might have just been an affect of the glow from the pink top she was wearing.

Numai put his arm around her. “You did fine,” he said gently. She leaned into him.

“It is very good if you wish to become inebriated quickly,” Kiriyama stated blankly. “I am quite tipsy.”

Shinji laughed at that before Yutaka offered him a grin and said, “Let’s get fucked up.”

“Cheers,” Shinji agreed holding out his shot.

Yutaka clinked his plastic shot cup against Shinji’s before they each swallowed theirs.

The shot burned going down and Shinji wasn’t surprised that Kanai had spit out most of hers. He managed to only make a slight face, but Yutaka’s scrunched up in disgust. To his credit though, Yutaka managed to down it all.

“That’s so bad!” Yutaka said after, his tongue stuck out like that would somehow get the taste off of it.

“No way! I’ve already drank, like, 20 of these!” Kuronaga boasted.

“I believe that would kill a person of your stature,” Kiriyama said simply, making the rest of his group break out in laughter at Hiroshi’s expense.

“Boss!” Kuronaga whined.

Sasagawa waved them off, a quick, “Drinks are at the bar over there,” before he sat down and started making fun of his friend.

Shinji and Yutaka quickly left the group to go look at the drinks.

“I need something to get this taste out of my mouth,” Yutaka said as they walked in the direction they were told.

“I’m sure we can find you something more your speed,” Shinji joked.

“Oh, like that’s what you want to drink all night,” Yutaka said, lightly bumping Shinji’s shoulder.

Shinji grinned, knowing that was true. He wanted to have fun with Yutaka and his other friends tonight, not see how fast he could blackout.

The drinks were spread out over the surface of the bar, and the selection was, frankly, ridiculous. There were bottles of every kind of hard liquor set up, with juices and mixes beside them. There were also wine coolers and beer sitting in a cooler with ice, as well as some out on the counter (Shinji also noticed a keg in the corner). Everything Shinji could think of was sitting there.

“Damn, Sho really went all out,” Yutaka said, sounding impressed as he looked through his options.

“I’m pretty sure there’s more booze down here than there was upstairs,” Shinji said as he began mixing himself a drink.

“Oh! Look at this!” Yutaka said lifting up a bottle. “It’s alcoholic chocolate milk! I didn’t even know they made that!”

Yutaka opened the bottle and took a swig. His face lit up. “Oh, fuck, yeah. I’m going to drink 17 of these.”

Shinji’s left hand held his own drink, so he grabbed Yutaka’s with his right. He then looked at the alcohol content.

“Alternatively, you can drink four before you start getting sloppy,” Shinji said, having seen Yutaka wasted on a few occasions. He then took a drink of it himself. “Damn, that tastes like a chocolate milkshake.”

"I know," Yutaka said, grabbed it back. “And I can drink at least six of them,” he argued.

“You’re going to get super wasted,” Shinji sing-songed before taking a drink of his own rum mixture.

“Good thing I have you to carry me home,” Yutaka sang back, a grin on his face. He then took a pen out of his pocket and drew two tally marks on the inside of his forearm. “You really should cut me off by eight though.”

“The number keeps going up,” Shinji teased before throwing an arm around Yutaka. “But don’t worry, I’ll babysit you. Then tomorrow we can be hungover together.”

“You’ll make me hangover breakfast, right?” Yutaka asked.

Shinji laughed. “Yeah, I’ll make you breakfast,” he said before adding, with a wink, “You just sit on the counter and look cute.”

It was some pretty obvious flirting, but Shinji felt pretty daring under the neon lights. Yutaka let out a sound that wasn’t quite a laugh and looked down. Oh, he was definitely blushing, not to mention he stayed in place under Shinji’s arm.

_Mm, you don’t look uncomfortable there either. But I need a little more from you. Give me the greenlight, Yutaka. Flirt back._

“I—”

“Oh, you made it!” Sho said over the low music as he walked over to join them, his pink leopard print button down was undone two buttons past what Shinji would have been comfortable with.

Shinji inwardly sighed. This shit never happened when he was flirting with girls.

“Hey, Sho,” Shinji greeted, dropping his arm off of Yutaka.

Yutaka seemed to have recovered from any embarrassment when he said, “This is awesome! Is it always like this?”

Sho waved an arm as though telling Yutaka the compliment was too much. “Not usually to this extent. Daddy let me make a few tweaks to get the place looking good enough for the occasion.”

“Oh! Speaking of the occasion,” Yutaka said before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a neatly wrapped gift. “We got you this. Happy coming out?”

Sho chuckled. “I have to admit I didn’t expect presents coming into this, but I’ve _loved_ the attention,” Sho said as he unwrapped the gift.

Yutaka grinned over at Shinji as though saying, _‘See? Other people brought gifts.’_

Shinji rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling, so he didn’t figure Yutaka would take any offense.

“Oh! This is _darling_!” Sho said as he examined the jewels. “So my style.” He then opened the mirror and looked at himself. Shinji thought he looked very pleased with what he saw.

“There’s just no light I look bad in,” Sho told them seriously before shutting the mirror. “I do _so_ _appreciate_ that you boys thought of me.”

Shinji shrugged. “Tonight’s a big deal, right?”

Yutaka looked surprised by his words, and Shinji smiled to say ‘ _What? I paid attention to what you said the other day.’_

Sho himself also looked a little surprised. He’d probably expected Shinji to comment on how little he’d thought of him. But, hey, it was Sho’s party, might as well make an effort to be nice. Not to mention Shinji himself might be the one coming out soon.

“So it is,” Sho agreed, any sign of surprise wiped from his face. “And I’d love to use that as leverage to convince you to share a dance with me, but I unfortunately need to continue working the room. A good host greets everyone, after all.”

“What a shame,” Shinji said, obviously not thinking it was one. “We’ll never know how I would have said ‘no.’”

Yutaka elbowed him. “We’ll talk to you later then,” he said to Sho.

Sho smiled at Yutaka, then moved his sights to Shinji. “Now there’s the banter I expect and adore,” he said, lightly running his hand down Shinji’s arm as he did so.

He then bent down and, for a second, Shinji was convinced he was going to kiss Yutaka’s cheek again – Shinji would seriously throw hands if that became a thing – but then he whispered in Yutaka’s ear instead.

Shinji couldn’t hear what was said, but Yutaka’s eyes widened like saucers before his cheeks turned red. Shinji arched a brow in question, but Yutaka looked away from him while Sho stood up straight, giggling.

“Have fun, you two!” Sho sang over his shoulder before he walked over to the stairs to greet the Souma gang.

“What did he say to you?” Shinji asked when he was out of earshot.

“N-nothing,” Yutaka stuttered before his eyes scanned the room. They lit up, and he pointed to their left. “Let’s go play beer pong with Shuya and Mr. Nobu!”

Shinji looked that way and grinned. “Sure,” he then leaned down and whispered in Yutaka’s ear, “You can tell me what he said later.”

Yutaka only took a long drink in response.

* * *

Beer pong turned out to be a pretty good way to get some drinks in.

Shinji and Yutaka had won their game against Shuya and Yoshitoki with relative ease. Normally it might have been close, but Shuya and Yoshitoki had obviously come to the party at the very beginning (not fashionably late like Shinji and Yutaka) because they were already buzzed at the start.

Shinji and Yutaka didn’t start _really_ drinking and losing (not that Shinji liked to acknowledge that) until they faced off against Noriko and Shogo.

“Come on, Nakagawa! You have to miss at least once,” Yutaka whined.

But, of course, she didn’t. She threw the ball and it went in without touching the edge. On the sidelines Yoshitoki and Shuya went wild.

Yutaka groaned as he picked up the cup and drank. That was game.

“Sorry, Seto,” Noriko said, sounding genuine despite the smile on her face. Shuya and Yoshitoki had moved up beside her and were congratulating her as she blushed.

“Damn, Nakagawa, you want to join the basketball team?” Shinji asked, still not believing how badly they’d gotten crushed. Granted, Yutaka’s beer pong skills weren’t great, but, damn, Shinji’s were.

Noriko laughed. “I’ll leave that to you.”

“For the best, you’d probably smoke him there, too,” Shogo teased, patting her shoulder on the opposite side of Shuya and Yoshitoki.

“You’re just lucky you had a teammate who could carry your deadweight,” Shinji joked back, despite Shogo’s beer pong skills being pretty good.

Shogo put his hands up. “I’m not denying that. I definitely got the best partner.” He smiled fondly down at Noriko.

“For sure! She’s the best!” Yoshitoki agreed.

“Hey!” Shuya whined. “I’m a good partner too!”

Yutaka laughed lightly and looked at Shinji. “Sorry I’m not a very good partner.”

Shinji knocked their shoulders together. “Nah, I’d still pick you,” he said before winking at Yutaka. “We’ll get ‘em next time.”

The song in the room switched and Shuya started jumping from across the beer pong table.

“Oh my god, he’s playing rock!” Shuya shouted to the group. “We have to dance!”

In the corner of the room opposite of the beer pong tables was a small dance floor. Currently there were a few people making use of it, but it had space for plenty more. The whole class would probably fit on it if they were dancing close enough.

Shuya didn’t seem to hear his friends protesting, although Shinji was grinning as he watched a reluctant Shogo getting dragged to the floor, along with a nervous looking Yoshitoki. Noriko didn’t seem to need the pull and followed.

“Shinji, come on! We gotta dance!” Shuya yelled at him as he continued to drag his party along.

Shinji laughed before looking to Yutaka. “What do you think? You drunk enough to dance?”

“Please,” Yutaka said before doing a weird shoulder shimmy. “With moves like this, who needs to be drunk?”

Shinji couldn’t help bursting out into laughter again. If Yutaka did have any good dance moves, and Shinji had certainly never seen him perform any, that wasn’t it.

“I think I need another drink just to watch you,” Shinji teased, although it wasn’t true. He’d watch weird moves all night as long as Yutaka was the one doing them.

“Good, I probably need another drink to keep this up,” Yutaka joked back, once again taking a pen out of his pocket and writing a tally mark on his arm.

He did it quickly, but Shinji could see he was up to four. But he seemed like he was doing pretty well for the time being.

“Let’s grab them then before Shu comes and drags us.”

* * *

They didn’t end up having to be dragged to the dancefloor. Instead they brought drinks back for everyone and were met with appreciation from the group, including the added Hiroki Sugimura and Takako Chigusa.

Most of what was happening on the dancefloor wasn’t very impressive. Some of the neutral girls were dancing on one end of the dancefloor in a cluster, while Kazuhiko Yamamoto and Sakura Ogawa were slow dancing in the middle of the floor even though the song was fast paced.

On their side of the dancefloor, Chigusa was trying to teach Hiroki to dance (it wasn’t going well), while Shogo stood to the side watching and shaking his head.

Shinji, Yutaka, Noriko, Shuya, and Yoshitoki were in a cluster, almost dancing. Really it was mostly Shuya, Shinji, and Yutaka who were attempting to dance. Noriko was more or less just swaying along to the beat, while Yoshitoki was doing a weird combination of swaying and occasional jerky movements.

It was about what you’d expect out of a school dance, although people seemed a little looser with alcohol. Shinji figured as the night went on people would start filling the dancefloor, at least that was his experience with high school parties (granted, he hadn’t been to one since his last year of junior high).

Still, even if the dancing was pretty lame, Shinji was having fun. He had a drink in his hand and was rocking out between Yutaka and Shuya, who had started belting the words to the songs as he danced. Yutaka kept coming up with new dance moves, which kept increasing in ridiculousness, maybe because of Shinji’s persistent laughter or maybe because of the drink in his own hand.

All Shinji really knew for sure was that it was hard to keep from kissing Yutaka when he was like this. He was carefree and grinning, and his white shirt had him glowing as he spun around. The feeling of fondness in Shinji’s chest was heavy, but in a good way. He adored this boy, who was trying and failing to do some weird version of The Running Man.

Yutaka finally stopped his erratic dancing and focused completely on Shinji, making Shinji stop as well. He had an impish grin on his face and a mischievous look in his eyes as he moved back a little from the group, making Shinji follow him so they would be close enough to talk.

“Seems like you’re more interested in watching me than in dancing.” Yutaka sounded confident and his eyes looked alive with energy, even as he swayed a little. The line between teasing and flirting was thin.

“How can I not watch when you have moves like that?” Shinji asked, voice low.

“I am pretty talented. ‘m probably the best dancer here,” Yutaka joked. His tone had changed, like maybe he’d realized he didn’t feel quite so confident after all. Like maybe something about Shinji’s reply wasn’t enough to reassure him to keep going.

He could fix that.

“Do you mind that I’m watching you?” Shinji asked, moving his hand to Yutaka’s shoulder and letting it ghost down his arm. It was similar to what Sho had done to him earlier.

Yutaka’s eyes lit back up as they followed Shinji’s movements before looking back into his eyes. “No, I like when you watch me.” Yutaka had a crooked grin on his face, and he seemed pleased.

Heat blossomed in Shinji’s stomach as he grinned down at Yutaka.

“Dude! Dudes! You will not believe this!” Keita Iijima had come running over, first seeing Yutaka, then Shinji. His excitement was evident from his tone to the spring that seemed to be in his step.

As usual, Shinji wanted Keita to go away.

But it was Yutaka whose voice sounded annoyed when he asked, “Believe what?”

Keita looked between them for a second before shaking his head, obviously not caring that he interrupted something. “Yuichiro is trying to explain Dragon Ball to _Souma_.”

Yutaka blinked rapidly before asking, “What?”

“I don’t know, man. He’s really drunk. He just went up and started talking to her. And now he’s trying to explain the Saiyans, and she’s listening,” Keita explained.

“Like, like listening like she’s interested, or like she’s going to cut him when he stops talking?” Yutaka asked, rubbing his face.

Shinji recognized that Yutaka was trying to sober up.

“Uh, I guess I don’t know? I just thought it was really funny and wanted to tell you guys,” Keita said, suddenly sounding sheepish.

“Just—Go, go back there. I’ll be there in a minute,” Yutaka said.

Keita shrugged then turned to Shinji, a big smile on his face. “You should come, too. This is a once in a lifetime moment.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Shinji said curtly, hoping it would make Keita go away.

Keita once again looked between them, like he wasn’t sure what he was seeing, before he turned away, probably going back to watch Yuichiro and Souma.

Once Keita was gone, Yutaka looked up at Shinji, a look of annoyance on his face. “Fucks sake, I should not be the mature one in any group that I’m in.”

“Maybe Souma wanted to know about Dragon Ball,” Shinji suggested.

Yutaka snorted. “Yeah, and maybe Shimizu wants to date Keita.”

“No one wants to date Keita,” Shinji muttered under his breath.

Yutaka looked at him curiously, like he wasn’t sure what Shinji had said. But he didn’t ask, just shook his head. “I’m gonna go see if Yuichiro needs rescued.”

Yutaka half turned before looking at him as if asking if he wanted to come too. Shinji was about follow (only partially because Yutaka was going, he actually did think the conversation sounded a little hilarious—Not that he would admit it to Keita) when arms wrapped around his neck.

“Shinjjjjjjji, why did you leave?” Shuya was hugging his back and Shinji could smell the alcohol on his breath.

“Shuya,” Shinji said, pulling Shuya’s arms off of his throat. “You’re choking me.”

“Come back,” Shuya whined.

Shinji gave Yutaka a look that expressed his exasperation. “I’ll be right there, Shu.”

“You promise?” Shuya asked, not looking like he believed him.

“Yes, I promise,” Shinji said before turning Shuya around to go back toward the group. Shuya seemed to catch sight of Shogo and headed that way.

Shinji turned back to Yutaka.

“This is not seeming like our night,” Yutaka commented dryly.

“It’s going to be,” Shinji said, getting close to Yutaka. “Cool with regrouping in 20 minutes? Ditching our friends if necessary?”

“Make it 15,” Yutaka said, giving Shinji that crooked grin again. “Sooner if you see me cause a big distraction in my rescue attempt.”

“If I see smoke I’ll come running,” Shinji only half joked before watching Yutaka walk off.

Shinji wanted to be with him, but it was all right. Yutaka seemed to be giving him the greenlight to proceed. And without the fear that Yutaka didn’t like him back, it was all a fun game of who’d confess first.

There was still a small bit of doubt that clung in the back of his mind, but with another drink he could easily shut that up.

But first he really should get Shuya to drink some water.


	9. The Party, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinji and Yutaka play a party game, and I say the name of the fic within the fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this really is the second to last chapter. It's crazy that we're almost at the end. Hopefully this chapter is as satisfying to read as it was to write!

Shinji checked his watch as he sat next to Shuya Nanahara, holding his hand. A little over 12 minutes had passed since he and Yutaka had split ways.

Currently he and Yoshitoki were on either side of Shuya, each holding one of his hands, as Shogo and Nakagawa took turns putting a water bottle to his mouth and tilting it back for him to take a drink.

Shuya had at first rejected the offer of any water, but he’d eventually given in, only on the condition that his friends held his hands (he’d been devastated when he’d realized he didn’t have enough hands to accomplish that).

But they had reassured him that they’d just have to take turns. Shinji was due to switch with Hiroki as soon as the 15-minute mark hit, which was good because that was when he was planning to ditch them.

He cared about Shuya, he really did, but he was such a clingy drunk. And Shuya was not who he currently wanted to have clinging on to him.

“Am I doin’ good?” Shuya asked Yoshitoki as he placed his head on his shoulder.

“Great, man,” Yoshitoki said, pushing Shuya’s bangs off his forehead with his free hand. Shuya leaned into the touch.

“We just need you to drink a little more,” Shogo said, once again trying to lean the water bottle to Shuya’s lips.

“’M not even that drunk,” Shuya pouted, but ended up lifting his head and opening his mouth anyway.

Shogo dumped the rest of the water from the bottle into his mouth before lowering it.

“There, now just don’t drink anything but water for a while, okay?” Shogo asked.

“But it’s a party!” Shuya whined.

Shinji again checked his watch. Still a minute to go.

“Here, Shuya, I got you some snacks,” Hiroki said as he held a plate out for him. Thankfully at some point in the night Sho, or maybe someone else in the Kiriyama family, had brought out finger foods on trays and sat them around the room.

Shuya seemed to forget he was holding Shinji and Yoshitoki’s hands as he took the plate from Hiroki. “Oh my god, that’s _so_ nice.”

Shuya then started eating the snacks and the group let out a sigh of relief. If Shinji had to guess, he’d say Shuya would sober up soon and then probably get trashed again before the night was over. Shuya was pretty good at that kind of thing.

“Come sit down, Hiroki,” Shinji said as he stood up and offered him his seat. It was time for the switch.

Hiroki was about to take it, and Shinji was about to sneak off, when the music in the room was cut off and Sho appeared under a stage light (which was really just the Kiriyama Family pointing multiple flashlights at him) in the middle of the dancefloor.

“Sorry to cut the music darlings, but I think it’s time for a game!” Sho announced. “I need everyone in a circle on the dancefloor!”

Shinji wanted to groan.

_Can I please just have 10 minutes to flirt with Yutaka? Is that too much to ask?_

But instead of making a big deal about it, Shinji headed to the dancefloor with his group. Everyone was sitting down quickly, so it took Shinji a second to find Yutaka. He was already sitting down in between other people (Keita and Yuichiro on one side and Megumi Eto and her friends on the other).

So, Shinji plopped down about a fourth of the circle away from him, with the rest of his friends sitting to his left. Once he was sitting, he looked over at Yutaka again. Yutaka was looking back at him, and offered him an eyeroll, which seemed to say, _‘So much for 15 minutes, huh?’_

Shinji offered a reassuring smile and a wink. It was enough for him knowing that Yutaka wanted to be hanging out with him. Yutaka couldn’t seem to help smiling back.

Once everyone was seated in a circle (which was too large for the dancefloor to contain) around Sho, including his gang who had turned off their flashlights, he started speaking again, raising a bottle in his right hand. “Now it just wouldn’t be a high school party without some of the classics! So, who wants to spin the bottle first?”

Tatsumichi Oki raised his hand like a little kid. “Yo! I’ll start!”

Sho seemed pleased by that and handed him the bottle before sitting down in the seat his friends had left him in between Sasagawa and Kanai.

As the bottle spun Shinji watched it in boredom. It wasn’t his first game of spin the bottle, but it was the first one where he really hadn’t cared to play. He only wanted to kiss one person, and he was willing to bet that even if he spun the bottle and landed on him, he’d be told to go ahead and re-spin.

He met Yutaka’s gaze again, and this time he rolled his eyes. Yutaka smiled a little, but it was obvious he felt the same way.

Hell, had Yutaka even kissed anyone before?

But Shinji knew he hadn’t. He was pretty sure Yutaka would have mentioned that the other night when they talked about Yutaka’s old crush on Kanai.

So, Yutaka might get his first kiss tonight and not even from Shinji.

Ugh, it wasn’t like Shinji hadn’t kissed other people (17 of them to be exact), but he thought it would be kind of cool to get to be the first (and only) one to kiss Yutaka. But he guessed it didn’t _really_ matter.

The bottle landed on Kazuo Kiriyama, and Kazushi Niida laughed from next to Oki, while on his other side, Tadakatsu Hatagami rolled his eyes.

“Re-spin, man,” Hatagami said, seeming eager to keep the game moving.

Oki looked confused, even in the dim lighting. “No, don’t I have to kiss Kiriyama?”

“He’s a guy,” Niida said, as though that explained everything. “You can re-spin if you land on a guy.”

“I don’t think those are the rules at a coming out party,” Oki said before looking over at Sho. “Right? Since it’s a coming out party, we kiss people of the same gender?”

Shinji almost laughed. The idea that there were any set rules for spin the bottle at a coming out party was kind of hysterical.

Sho looked surprised for a second, but then grinned. “That does cater to the event we’re all at,” Sho said, then grinned wider. “But I suppose if anyone is too insecure about their sexuality to kiss someone, they can take a shot instead.”

Sasagawa held up a bottle of the alcohol that had been used for their entrance shots. He sat in front of him like it was a threat.

“Oh! And if anyone _does_ kiss someone of the same gender, then everyone of that gender has to drink _except_ for the ones kissing,” Sho added. “Although, they can drink whatever they want since they aren’t being babies.”

Sho was obviously making up the rules on the fly, but Oki nodded as though they had been set in stone for years.

“Okay, so I kiss Kiriyama and then all the other guys have to take a drink of something?” Oki asked, making sure he understood the rules.

“You’ve got it, sweetie,” Sho said, a mischievous grin on his face.

“Cool, then I’ll kiss him.”

Shinji watched in disbelief as Oki scooted over to Kiriyama and kissed him on the lips. He didn’t even opt for a light peck in hopes that would be good enough. Nope, he went in tongue and all.

Shinji covered his mouth a little in shock and ready to laugh. He hadn’t expected the turn of events. He then looked over to Yutaka, who looked like he was trying not to laugh at Oki passionately kissing ‘the’ Kazuo Kiriyama.

Yutaka seemed to sense him looking and turned to him and grinned. His eyes had that spark in them again, and he seemed to suddenly be less opposed to the game.

Shinji uncovered his mouth and grinned back.

The chance that they would actually end up kissing was still slim, with around 40 people in the room, but it was suddenly _possible_.

And even that slight possibility had them grinning at each other like fools.

“Drink up, guys!” Oki called out once he’d pulled apart from Kiriyama. Kiriyama was looking blankly ahead as though a guy hadn’t just frenched him in front of his entire class.

Shinji and a couple of other people got up to grab drinks from the bar. Shinji was pouring his drink when Yutaka walked up beside him, drink already in hand.

“Seems like the game just got a little more _interesting_ ,” Yutaka said, sounding like he was telling an inside joke.

“I guess that all depends on who you land on, doesn’t it?” Shinji asked, finishing his drink and stepping away from the drinks so that Hatagami, who had been waiting behind him, could pour his own.

“Hope I land on someone good,” Yutaka said, backing away from him, amused grin still on his face.

“Hope they’re blond,” Shinji replied back, not being at all subtle.

Yutaka grinned, ducking his eyes down a little before he fully turned around and went back to his spot in the circle. Shinji went to his own and sat back down. 

* * *

The game continued. It seemed that once Oki had kissed someone of the same gender (or maybe it was because of Sho’s assertion that only people insecure in their sexuality wouldn’t), no one else was backing down either.

Several people had kissed so far, many having been of the same gender, resulting in people getting pretty drunk.

Shinji himself felt a strong buzz that was bordering on too much by the time the bottle reached Mitsuko Souma. She was sitting just three seats down from Yutaka, next to Yuichiro (Shinji would have to ask how things had panned out with that later).

The bottle had gone over halfway around the circle and neither he nor Yutaka had kissed anyone yet. But they kept looking at each other, grinning or making faces or laughing if the pair kissing seemed absurd enough.

So, when Souma spun the bottle, Shinji had almost forgotten that it could land on him until it stopped and was pointing at him.

Shinji looked at it a little dumbly before he looked up at Souma.

She sent him an insincere looking smile before she crawled seductively over to him and then placed herself in his lap.

Shinji had no interest in kissing Souma, even if she was one of the hottest girls in class (Hell, did he even _like_ girls at all? Or had his conquests all just been for status and kicks? Probably that. He never felt around them like he did Yutaka).

But Shinji also didn’t want to cause a scene or be labeled a bad kisser (it’d been awhile since he had kissed anyone, but he still had a reputation of being good at it), so when she leaned in, he kissed her back to the sound of people in the circle goading them on.

It went on too long in his opinion, and he found his eyes open and looking at Yutaka. Yutaka’s mouth was set in a straight line, but his eyes were dark and jealous.

Mitsuko cut off the kiss and then turned away from him without saying anything. Back near her seat Yuichiro was looking at the floor, and when she went back over, she whispered something to him, but Shinji didn’t care what.

He cared much more about the look on Yutaka’s face. He was looking longingly at Shinji, and Shinji hoped it was obvious that he felt that longing too.

Yuichiro spun the bottle next and kissed Yukiko Kitano (god, they both looked so awkward), and then Keita spun and landed on Kazuhiko Yamamoto, who chose to drink rather than kiss someone besides his girlfriend (and probably because no one in their right mind would want to kiss Iijima).

Then Yutaka was up, and he looked at Shinji again, that wanting look still on his face, before he spun the bottle hard.

It went around several times, and Shinji glared at it, wanting it to land on him despite the odds.

Then for what felt like the first time all night, things went his way. The bottle landed on him and he looked up at Yutaka, smirk on his face. He heard a couple of people oohing.

Yutaka was looking at the bottle, shocked, like he couldn’t quite believe that it had landed on Shinji. Then he looked up at him.

“What? Are you going to make me come over there?” Shinji teased.

Suddenly Yutaka’s face broke out in a grin and he crawled over to Shinji. It wasn’t the seductive crawl that Souma had done, but that didn’t matter. Shinji still wanted to kiss him.

Yutaka reached him and sat up on his knees in front of him. He didn’t say anything out loud, but his smile spoke volumes and Shinji mirrored it, even as the people around them were shouting and whistling the way they had for almost everyone.

They leaned in, and Shinji wasn’t sure which one of them started first, but before their mouths had even gotten close, they were both laughing.

Yutaka pulled away until he’d stopped and then leaned back in, only for the same thing to happen.

“Oh my god, kissin’ a guy’s not that fuckin’ funny!” Sasagawa snapped at them.

But he didn’t get it.

They weren’t laughing because it was _funny_ , they were laughing because they were _happy_. Because Shinji had spent so long spiraling and Yutaka had spent so much time watching him spiral, and now they were in front of each other and they both _knew_ how each other felt, and it was so, so good.

Shinji had never expected to have a full life, and he had never expected it to be so happy. But here he was with Yutaka in front of him, making him laugh like a very happy idiot.

“Stop laughing so I can kiss you,” Yutaka demanded, even as he sounded on the verge of laughing again himself.

“ _You_ stop,” Shinji said, unable to keep the grin off of his face.

They leaned in for a third time, and they didn’t laugh, but it was all teeth, all grinning mouths pushed together, because they couldn’t stop smiling even to kiss each other. And fuck, that _was_ funny, so they laughed again, mouths still touching.

People around them might have been annoyed, but Shinji didn’t care. His heart was ready to burst out of his chest, ready, not for the first time, to be wherever Yutaka was. To sit in his hands and be held by him.

Finally, their laughter quieted again, and Shinji kissed him quick before it could start again. This time it was an actual kiss, mouth on mouth, and it was warm. They opened their mouths against each other and for a few seconds they kissed openly, Shinji’s hand on Yutaka’s cheek and one of Yutaka’s hands on Shinji’s shoulder.

It was a different kind of good than the laughing kisses had been. One that packed a little more heat. But it didn’t last long before Shuya’s call of, “Yeah, get in there!” had both of them laughing against each other again.

Once they pulled apart, they shared a final grin before Yutaka went back to his spot in the circle.

The game went on for a while after that but stopped right before it would have been Shinji’s turn to spin the bottle.

Shinji was thankful because he was pretty sure he never wanted to kiss anyone but Yutaka ever again.

Sho announced that the game was old and that he wanted to dance. So, the music was turned back on and people crowded the dancefloor.

Yutaka came to him, looking very pleased. “Hey,” his tone matched the look on his face.

“Hey,” Shinji said back as people crowded in around them. “You gonna dance with me?”

“Yeah,” Yutaka said as they were pushed closer together. “I’m g—gonna dance with you.”

Yutaka had a slight drunken slur going on, but Shinji wasn’t really in the position to judge. The buzz he’d had while sitting on the floor had transformed into full blown drunkenness when he stood up.

“Good.”

* * *

They started out dancing next to each other, but that didn’t last long.

Shinji’s prediction that the dancefloor would start filling up once people got drunk was correct. Within minutes everyone had crammed themselves onto the dancefloor, and they were no longer acting like they would at a school dance.

No, what was going on at the dancefloor of Sho’s party would never be allowed by any sane chaperone.

They were a mass of bodies and none of those bodies were trying to keep space between them anymore. People were bumping and grinding and surrounded.

If Shinji cared to look around he could see where several girls had circled Shuya and were dancing on him more than around him, or how several people had paired up and were grinding, or how some of those pairings were making out (and not all of them were boy and girl pairings).

But Shinji didn’t care to look around. He may have been drunk, but he was hyper focused on Yutaka.

They’d started off dancing next to each other, still having some sense that they should keep what was going on between them private. But as things escalated on the dancefloor, they’d dropped the pretense that they were interested in anyone else.

Yutaka had been the one who’d moved in front of him first, that wicked, mischievous grin on his face that seemed to say that there were no rules anymore, and Yutaka was going to do what he wanted.

Shinji hadn’t argued. He liked that Yutaka didn't care about the people around them.

And now they were dancing close, occasionally touching as they were bumped together. It was good but not enough. Yutaka was looking at Shinji like he was _daring_ him to get closer.

Shinji didn’t often say no to a dare.

He reached out and grabbed Yutaka by the beltloops and pulled him forward so that they were flush together, and Yutaka only looked surprised for a second before his arms snaked around Shinji’s neck.

“You looked like you wanted to be closer,” Shinji said over the sound of the music.

They were barely even dancing anymore, more just standing against each other.

“’Bout time you noticed,” Yutaka teased as his right hand played with the hair at the nape of Shinji’s neck. “Thought I was gon’ die alone all the way over there.”

Shinji could see on Yutaka’s arm a big black smudge where his drink tally had once been. The dancefloor was hot, and the sweat must have smeared it. It was impossible to guess how many he’d had.

“Nothin’ was stoppin’ you from gettin’ closer,” Shinji said as he moved his hands to hold Yutaka’s hips. He then bent his head down so he could whisper against Yutaka’s ear. “Nothin’ to be afraid of. You’ll like when I bite.”

Yutaka laughed, and Shinji pulled away to look at him, already smiling fondly at him.

“I’m gonna bite _you_ ,” he said, his voice sounding humorous and flirtatious at the same time.

Shinji laughed. “’m lookin’ forward to it.”

They started dancing again, as a fast-paced song came on. They stayed close together, dancing in a way that bordered inappropriate, but was in no way as raunchy as a lot of what was going on around them.

They could barely make it through a song without leaning in to make some kind of comment to each other, sometimes flirty (“Mm, think this song might be talkin’ about you.”) and sometimes just funny (“Motobuchi is shotgunning a beer. This is a magical night.”)

They continued like that for what felt like a long time. It was long enough for them both to be coated in a layer of sweat from the proximity, the dancing, and the alcohol.

Finally, they both slowed down, once again just standing against each other. Yutaka was looking up at Shinji with a longing look. He’d have to be blind to not notice the way Yutaka was staring at his mouth, like he wanted to kiss him again. Shinji very much wanted to be kissed again.

So, he asked, “Are you ready to get out of here?”

Yutaka grinned, looking eager. “Yeah, ‘m ready.”

They pushed their way out of the mass of people and headed toward the stairs. They didn’t bother to say goodbye to anyone, not wanting to prolong their stay.

They climbed the stairs, although a little wobbly, and found that the hallway had at some point been decorated with glow sticks, making it possible to see where they were going. They walked down it and reached the doorway where they had been let in. Shinji pushed against it, and it moved easily.

The bar upstairs was only dimly lit but after only having blacklights and glowsticks for light, it was jarring. They stood in the doorway, letting their eyes adjust.

“Did you boys have fun?”

Shinji’s eyes shot over to the bar where Sho’s father was reading what looked like a trashy romance novel. He hadn’t even _seen_ him when he’d opened the door.

“Yeah,” Shinji answered, still blinking his eyes. “Sho throws a good party.”

Sho’s father smiled kindly at him and then pointed to a table full of water bottles near the door.

“Make sure you each grab one on the way out. Hydration is important,” he said.

Shinji nodded before walking over to the table and grabbing a bottle, Yutaka following suite behind him.

By the time Shinji and Yutaka stepped outside of the bar Shinji felt like he’d arrived on a different planet, or perhaps more accurately, he’d just come back from one. The change in lighting was harsh and the talk with Sho’s father was jolting.

In just a couple of minutes Shinji felt like he’d sobered up exponentially. The change in scenes was enough to do that.

Shinji opened his bottle of water and took a long drink as he walked a few steps away from the bar. Once he was out of its view he stopped. He looked over at Yutaka, wondering what he would see now that they were out of the neon lights.

Yutaka was still looking at him the same way he had been in the basement.

Yutaka dropped his water bottle, then put his arms around Shinji’s neck and moved to kiss him.

“Wait,” Shinji said, pulling Yutaka’s arms off of his neck, letting his own bottle fall to the ground. “Are you good for this?”

What Shinji meant was, ‘Are you sober enough to be kissing me?’

For a second Yutaka stared at him, almost like he wasn’t able to comprehend the words. But then, all of a sudden, Shinji could see it click, and Yutaka started laughing.

Once he’d finished, he looked up at Shinji, a lazy grin on his face.

“Look,” Yutaka said, once again putting his arms around Shinji’s neck. “I am… a _little_ wasted.” He said it like he thought it was kind of funny. “But I’ve also wanted to kiss you for a very, very long time. Soooo, you should definitely let me.”

Shinji looked down at him for a second, considering. Yutaka seemed okay. But Shinji was also drunk, so his judgement probably wasn’t the best. Plus, he really, really wanted to kiss Yutaka, and he could see where that might cloud said judgement.

“Don’t make me beg, Shinji,” Yutaka said, saying Shinji’s name like it had suddenly become very important. “I’m drunk enough that I actually might.”

Shinji grinned. He figured if Yutaka was able to tell coherent jokes, he probably wasn’t that drunk.

“I’ll take a raincheck on the begging,” Shinji said, lewd grin on his face, as he moved his hands to hold Yutaka’s waist. “But the kissing, I’ll take now.”

Yutaka let out a light laugh and leaned up again.

He didn’t make it to Shinji’s mouth before he was smiling, teeth exposed. But then, Shinji didn’t either. They ended up with teeth on teeth, not for the first time that night. And then the laughing started.

“Fuck, we gotta stop doing that,” Yutaka said once he’d stopped laughing. He was still grinning up at Shinji.

“Might take some practicing,” Shinji said, as he moved his hands to Yutaka’s lower back. “I’m not used to being this happy when I kiss someone.”

Yutaka looked down in what appeared to be embarrassment, but he quickly recovered and reestablished their eye contact. “I’m happy I get to practice with you.” 

They waited a second before trying to kiss again. The results were better. They were still grinning too much to get a good angle, but that was okay. Rather than breaking apart, they just kept trying, despite at times literally laughing into each other’s mouth. 

As they kissed, Yutaka’s arms pushed against Shinji’s shoulders, trying to push himself higher so that Shinji wasn’t leaning down as much. Shinji took that as a cue to lift Yutaka up.

Yutaka made a slightly startled noise before he was laughing and wrapping his legs tightly around Shinj’s waist.

“You’re picking me up a lot this week,” Yutaka said as he adjusted his hold on Shinji.

“You don’t seem to mind,” Shinji said, leaning against the building behind him.

“Nah,” Yutaka said, leaning in close again. But he laughed before he reached Shinji’s lips. “There’s—There’s a joke here about picking me up, like, literally and then, like, how you would _pick someone up_. Like, romantically. But I’m too drunk to think of it. Imagine I said it, and it was really, really funny.”

Shinji grinned. “I already can’t stop laughing long enough to show you how good a kisser I am, and you still wannna joke more.”

Yutaka smiled, and he ran his right hand over Shinji’s cheek. “It’s okay, ‘m already super impressed.”

Yutaka’s hand on his face felt so intimate, so good. He hadn’t realized how nice it would feel to have Yutaka touching him gently. Shinji turned his head and kissed the wrist (right under the watch) of the hand that was touching his face.

When Shinji turned back to Yutaka, he looked stunned by the gesture. But then his face transformed, and he was looking at Shinji with an almost shy smile.

“Getting embarrassed?” Shinji teased before turning his head and kissing Yutaka’s wrist again.

Yutaka grinned. “Nah.” Then he kissed Shinji with a renewed energy.

The thing Shinji realized then, was that kissing Yutaka was fun. It seemed silly, but kissing had never really been _fun_ before. It’d been cool when he’d first started kissing girls, but it was soon just a step to get to the next thing.

But kissing Yutaka wasn’t like that. Getting to kiss Yutaka felt like the main event. Having Yutaka’s tongue rolling over his was exciting, and his whole body felt abuzz with energy as one of Yutaka’s hands ran through his hair.

Shinji’s hands were rubbing up and down Yutaka’s back, exploring his slight build and enjoying the heat under his fingers, as he occasionally pulled him even closer.

He could kiss Yutaka for hours, laughing against his face or open mouthed. It didn’t matter how. It was all a perfect mix of fun and good and fuck, I’m so in love with you.

He was so lost in kissing Yutaka that the crash in the alley startled him.

They both shot their heads that direction in time to see a cat dash out of the alley. Then they both let out light laughter.

“That scared the shit outta me,” Yutaka said, turning his face back to him.

“I hope not, given our position,” Shinji said, lightly massaging a spot in Yutaka’s lower back.

Yutaka snorted.

“We should get back to my house,” Shinji said, suddenly realizing they were still standing in the middle of the street.

Yutaka blinked and seemed to become aware of that as well. “Okay, carry me there.”

“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Shinji admitted. “I’m not sober either.” The building behind him was currently acting as a stabilizer for their position. He still felt a little unsteady from the drinking.

“You can do it,” Yutaka said, sounding sure of himself. “It’s good weight training. Besides, I wanna do this.” Yutaka then leaned close and began kissing down his jaw to his throat.

Shinji knew Yutaka had never done that before, but his mouth still felt good against his neck.

“Mm, okay, you do that,” Shinji agreed as he took a shaky step away from the wall. He could probably walk for a little while.

Yutaka laughed against his neck, and that was just as good.


	10. Making Things Official

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinji and Yutaka talk feelings. Loose ends are tied up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this took longer than intended. But given that this chapter is the longest and makes up a fifth of the story, I guess that makes sense.  
> Thanks for following me on this self-indulgent ride!

Shinji woke up the next morning with a headache that made him immediately close his eyes again. Light was shining into his room, signaling that it was already probably late morning.

But more important than that was that Yutaka was tucked up against him.

Despite the pain in his head, Shinji grinned.

Parts of last night were slightly fuzzy, but he remembered the important parts clearly. Parts like kissing Yutaka.

He opened his eyes again and looked down at Yutaka’s sleeping form. He was lying on his side, spooning against Shinji and drooling just a little onto the sheets. He was also shirtless, which confused Shinji for just a second before he noticed Yutaka’s shirt lying on the bed next to him, along with some spent glowsticks. Shinji figured Yutaka must have taken them off sometime after they’d made it home.

Shinji remembered the walk home. He’d carried Yutaka part of the way, while Yutaka had kissed every part of him from the neck up. He’d eventually had to put him down, though, after one too many stumbles. But after that they’d walked home holding hands and occasionally knocking into each other or stopping to kiss more.

It’d been a wonder they’d made it back at the slow pace they were going. They’d been so tired by the time they’d made it to Shinji’s house that they’d almost immediately passed out on Shinji’s bed.

And now Shinji was waking up with Yutaka against his chest. He figured it didn’t get much better.

Shinji looked down at Yutaka’s watch and saw that it was almost ten in the morning. Shinji knew Yutaka wouldn’t be up for a couple more hours. Yutaka was a late sleeper on weekends and having stayed out late, he’d sleep even later.

Shinji didn’t mind sleeping late, but he did mind that his head hurt and that he felt sticky from sweat. So, he carefully lifted his arm from Yutaka and pulled away from him. Yutaka barely stirred. Once he was out of the bed Shinji pulled the blanket back up to Yutaka’s chin. He stood looking at him fondly for just a second before he reached down and kissed the top of his head.

He was going to be great at the whole boyfriend thing.

He then stood up and stretched before grabbing clothes to wear once he got out of the shower. He was currently still wearing his clothes from the night before. Once he had them, he left the room and walked toward the bathroom.

The house around him was silent, but he’d expected that. His sister Ikumi had been staying over with a friend and his parents were rarely around on the weekends. His father was probably working or maybe nailing his secretary, and his mother was probably at some class or at brunch with a friend.

That was good. He and Yutaka would probably be alone in the house until midafternoon. Shinji didn’t want to deal with telling his parents that he a boyfriend, at least not yet. He wouldn’t make Yutaka sit through that conversation.

Once he reached the bathroom, Shinji caught sight of himself in the mirror. He laughed to himself before leaning closer to take a better look at his neck.

Yutaka had left him with a collar of hickeys.

Shinji probably should have been at least a little embarrassed by it, but he wasn’t. He liked the look of them. Liked that he had a physical reminder that Yutaka had kissed him so thoroughly. He grinned thinking that maybe later he might repay the favor.

After he finished showering, Shinji threw his dirty clothes in the hamper (and threw away the glow sticks that had still been wrapped around his person) and changed into the fresh ones. The shower had helped to dull his headache, but he went ahead and got a pain killer to take anyway. After swallowing the pills and drinking a full glass of water, he brought a couple back to his room with him, as well as a glass of water for when Yutaka woke up.

Once he’d sat those things on his nightstand, he crawled back into bed with Yutaka and wrapped around him. Shinji wasn’t usually the type to sleep in late on a weekend, or any day really, but he didn’t mind so long as he was cuddled up next to Yutaka.

He was back asleep within ten minutes.

* * *

Shinji woke up the second time because Yutaka was groaning.

“My head hurts,” he whined. He was currently curled up, almost in the fetal position, facing the wall. Shinji still had an arm thrown around his torso.

Shinji laughed lightly. “Don’t worry, I have you covered,” he said softly, giving Yutaka’s arm a squeeze.

At the touch, Yutaka’s head turned rapidly to look over his shoulder.

Shinji was already starting to sit up and grinned at Yutaka’s big eyes. “Morning, sunshine,” he joked.

Yutaka sat up, hand on his head. “M-morning,” he said, sounding nervous. He then seemed to notice that he was shirtless and crossed his arms in embarrassment.

Shinji laughed at that. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Yutaka without a shirt before. “Your shirt’s right there,” Shinji said nodding his head toward it as he grabbed the pills and water off of his nightstand for Yutaka. “I think you took it off last night when you were feeling less shy.”

Yutaka grabbed it and tugged it on quickly before looking over at Shinji. “I—” Yutaka stopped midsentence, staring at Shinji’s neck.

“Yeah, you also left me this souvenir when you were feeling less shy,” Shinji teased him, raising his chin up so that Yutaka could more easily see the hickeys he’d left.

Yutaka’s face flushed, and he looked down at the bed.

It was then that Shinji knew something was off. Shinji had expected that Yutaka might be a little embarrassed, maybe even a little shy. But he’d also thought Yutaka would look happy. But he was staring down at the bed, and he only looked worried.

Shinji suddenly felt cold. He sat the pills and water back down on the nightstand.

“Do you remember last night?” Shinji asked softly.

Shinji was scared. He’d been so sure this morning that he hadn’t misjudged Yutaka’s intoxication. Because they had both been drunk, but they hadn’t been _drunk_. But suddenly he feared he was wrong. That all Yutaka remembered was a blur.

“Of course, I remember,” Yutaka answered quickly.

Shinji only felt a little relieved at that because something was still wrong. Yutaka still looked worried.

Thoughts flew through Shinji’s mind.

_I don’t understand; why is he worried? I know he likes me back. He said he’s wanted to kiss me for a really long time. He couldn’t have been clearer. So, this isn’t a case where he’s wondering how to get rid of me without hurting my feelings. And he said he remembers last night, and he seemed perfectly coherent then. What am I missing? What’s there to worry about?_

Then it hit him. There was only one other variable besides Yutaka and the alcohol, and that was him.

_He’s worried this was just a hookup._

The thoughts had all came to Shinji like rapid fire within a couple of seconds. He looked at Yutaka’s downturned face, which was squeezed up like he was trying to think of what to say.

Like he was trying to find a way to ask Shinji what last night had meant.

_I can’t believe you have to ask. Isn’t it obvious that I like you too? Didn’t I make it obvious?_

But then, maybe he hadn’t. Years’ worth of feelings shoved into a couple of days, then coming to a head during a drunken party didn’t necessarily read easily.

_But I_ do _like him. I really like him._

_Okay, then maybe just say that? Give some reassurance? Like,_ now _, so he can stop freaking out._

“I really like you,” Shinji said, looking at Yutaka’s face and trying to meet his downcast eyes. “And not like how I’ve liked girls. Not in a, you’ll work for the weekend, kind of way. More of a… I’m really happy I got to wake up with you, kind of way.”

Yutaka face turned upward, and he no longer looked worried, only surprised and a little hopeful.

“I want to be your boyfriend. I don’t want to be with anyone else,” Shinji said, hoping that was enough. He didn’t want Yutaka to doubt him, to doubt his feelings.

“For real?” Yutaka asked, his voice soft and wanting.

“Is my sense of humor so bad you think I’d joke about this?” Shinji asked, smiling lightly. He then looked Yutaka dead in the eyes. “My crush on you has taken over my life. Be my boyfriend so at least I have something to show for it.”

“I love you,” Yutaka said it so suddenly it seemed to surprise even him, like the words had come running out of his mouth without his consent. He looked stunned, but he didn’t try to take what he said back.

Which was good because Shinji definitely didn’t want him to.

Shinji grinned. “Here I was worried that if I said I loved you, it’d scare you off,” he said while reaching to grab one of Yutaka’s hands. “I love you, too. I think maybe since middle school.”

“Since middle school?” Yutaka was looking at him like he had two heads, but there was also an upward lilt in his tone. Finally, he was looking the happy kind of shy that Shinji had expected.

“I’m not really sure,” Shinji said truthfully. “You’ve been my first and only best friend, so what feelings go with that and what feelings go with this,” he raised their connected hands “is a little confusing.”

Yutaka laughed. “That’s relatable.”

Shinji grinned. “For sure I’ve liked you for the last year. Once I got my head back on, I noticed it.”

Yutaka looked surprised. “You never said anything.”

“I know,” Shinji said, feeling a little ashamed. “I had a lot of excuses for why I couldn’t let myself feel that way. Like it’d be dangerous, or you wouldn’t like me back. And I was worried about that stuff, but I think maybe the biggest thing was just that I wasn’t ready to let myself be happy again.”

“But you’re ready now?” Yutaka asked, searching his face.

“I’m very ready now,” Shinji said, grinning. “I’m sorry if I kept _you_ waiting.”

Yutaka laughed. “I was trying to tell you the other day.”

“Tell me what?”

“That I liked you,” Yutaka said, tightening his hold on Shinji’s hand. “When I was talking about when I realized that I didn’t like Kanai anymore. I was _trying_ to explain that I realized it because I liked _you_. But instead I just made you feel guilty over it.”

Shinji started laughing, a full belly one. Yutaka stared for a second but then couldn’t help joining in.

“So basically, I cockblocked myself. That’s what you’re telling me?” Shinji finally asked once they’d calmed down.

“You totally did,” Yutaka said, crooked grin on his face. “And you’re supposed to be good at this stuff.”

“I ended up with you, didn’t I?” Shinji asked with a wink. “I must not be too bad.”

“No, not too bad,” Yutaka agreed, leaning against him a little, smile on his face.

“That’s good, because this morning I was thinking about what a good boyfriend I was going to make. So, it’d be a pretty big letdown if I wasn’t good enough for you to date,” Shinji said, leaning closer against Yutaka. He wanted to hear Yutaka say it, that they were dating now.

Shinji could tell by the way Yutaka smiled at him that he was about to joke with him. “Well, you know I’d never let you down,” he said before going for the kill. “Plus, I’m dying to have the good boyfriend experience. The girls’ reviews haven’t been raving. What was it the last one said?”

Shinji snorted. “That I was a total narcissist who had a basketball where my heart should be.”

“Yeah, she had a way with words,” Yutaka laughed. He then put a hand to Shinji’s chest. “Listen to that little basketball bounce.”

Shinji smiled. He knew Yutaka was joking around. If there was anyone who didn’t think Shinji was a narcissist and knew he cared about more than basketball, it was Yutaka. Still, he hoped Yutaka knew how serious he was. That he really would be delivering on the ‘good boyfriend experience.’

_Whether that thing beating inside me is a heart or a basketball, it’s all yours now._

Shinji grabbed Yutaka’s hand from his chest and held it. Then, even though they were alone, he leaned in and whispered in Yutaka’s ear. “I’m going to be so good to you. I promise.”

Shinji felt Yutaka’s body shiver against him. Then whispered against his neck, “Me too.”

But Shinji had never doubted that Yutaka would be good to him. With Yutaka he rarely had any doubts.

Shinji pulled back from him after a minute, and Yutaka’s eyes were looking into his. First seriously, but then they turned humorous again.

“This is super weird,” Yutaka said honestly, his thumb rubbing lightly over Shinji’s hand. “But, like, in a good way.”

Shinji grinned. It _was_ weird. Probably even weirder for Yutaka because Shinji was never this open with his feelings. But he could do weird as long as it was the good kind.

“It’s us with another layer,” Shinji said, thinking out loud. “We’re still best friends, but now we get to do the boyfriend stuff too.”

“That’s pretty awesome,” Yutaka said, tilting his head up to look at Shinji. He then quickly leaned forward to kiss Shinji’s lips. “I really like the boyfriend stuff.”

Shinji beamed. He did too.

Then he thought of something. “Speaking of the boyfriend stuff,” Shinji said, letting go of Yutaka’s hand, and beginning to unfasten his watch. “I’m taking this.”

“My watch?” Yutaka asked, looking down at where Shinji was removing it from his wrist. He had a very faint tan line around where it had sat. “Why?”

It made sense that he was asking. Yutaka’s watch was a cheap, black, digital thing that he’d bought way back because he’d liked the blue ring around the face, and it had a button that made the digital screen light up. But the light up button had stopped working a long time ago, and it was hardly an impressive watch.

But Yutaka had been wearing it every day for all of high school.

“I want to wear it,” Shinji said as he took off his own watch and then secured Yutaka’s in its place.

The reasoning had to do with symbolism. With wanting to have something that said he was Yutaka’s. The same way his uncle used to wear the earring in Shinji’s ear because it’d belong to the woman he loved.

Shinji thought he might have to explain that, but when he looked at Yutaka’s blushing face, he knew he understood.

“Do I get yours?” Yutaka asked looking down at the gold watch Shinji had put on the bed.

“You can have anything of mine that you want,” Shinji said, handing Yutaka his discarded watch. It was hard to describe the feeling of knowing that Yutaka wanted to wear his, too. “Well, except for my computer and its related items. Those are still off limits.”

“Damn, and I was going to take the afternoon and become a master hacker,” Yutaka joked as he pulled Shinji’s watch over his wrist. “But I actually would like that painkiller now. My head doesn’t feel great.”

Shinji grabbed the water and pills from his nightstand and handed them to Yutaka, who immediately swallowed them and downed half of the glass.

“Your stomach good for breakfast yet?” Shinji asked.

“Yeah,” Yutaka said before drinking the other half of his glass. “Can we have katsudon?”

Shinji raised a brow at him. “You want katsudon for breakfast?”

“Yes,” Yutaka said simply.

Shinji laughed and shook his head. “Sure. Katsudon for breakfast.” His lack of fight truly was a sign of how soft he was for Yutaka. “Just remember you promised to sit on the counter with me,” Shinji said before winking at him.

He then pulled himself out of bed and stretched.

“Actually, I’m pretty sure we got interrupted before I answered on that. Which was good because my brain was short circuiting,” Yutaka admitted as he scooted out of bed, but not before his eyes had lingered on Shinji stretching.

“You see something you like?” Shinji asked, lewd smile on his face. He was going to enjoy teasing Yutaka.

Yutaka looked a little embarrassed at having been caught staring, but then he smiled up at Shinji, a determined look in his eyes. “I mean, yeah. I don’t know if anyone has told you this before, but you’re kind of ridiculously attractive.”

“I have been told that before, but feel free to keep telling me,” Shinji said, smirking down at Yutaka.

Yutaka’s eyes then traveled to Shinji’s neck. “I still can’t believe I gave you that many hickeys.” 

“Yeah, turns out you’re a freaky, little monster,” Shinji said nonchalantly, taking pleasure in the way Yutaka blushed at the assessment. “But I guess I can _try_ to keep up with you,” Shinji said in an exaggerated tone that suggested that doing so would be a chore. Even if he hadn’t been smiling as he said it, it would have been clear that he wasn’t even slightly serious.

Yutaka snorted. “Yeah, try and keep up, prude,” Yutaka said as he walked around Shinji to the doorway.

“I’ll do my best,” Shinji said, catching Yutaka around the waist from behind and leaning down to kiss his neck. He then shoved him forward. “Now hurry up, I want to get a start on this elaborate breakfast.”

Yutaka only laughed.

* * *

Shinji and Yutaka spent most of Saturday together. It would have been all of Saturday, but around 8pm Yutaka’s mom had called asking if he had moved in with Shinji without telling her. Of course, Yutaka had then joked, ‘I didn’t know that was an option.’ …And then his mom had promptly told him to get home before she grounded him.

So, Shinji had walked him home just to get a little extra time with him.

And then he’d shown up at Yutaka’s house again before noon on Sunday, asking if Yutaka could hangout.

Yutaka’s dad had let him in, telling him he’d have to wake Yutaka up. Shinji had been quick to wake him by jumping onto his bed. After Yutaka had startled awake, they’d spent almost all of Sunday together.

The two days alone together had been good for them. It’d given them a chance to get used to their new status without prying eyes. That said, the blend of friendship and romance felt pretty natural. Yutaka was a little shy with some of Shinji’s more overt affection, but he always met Shinji with the same energy, regardless of any embarrassment. And sometimes Yutaka was the one who surprised him with his affection. Shinji liked those moments. He loved the attention.

They’d also taken the weekend to discuss if they wanted to be public about their relationship.

Yutaka had been the one to say that there was no reason not to be. It’d been then that they’d discussed who else at the party might have gotten together. Yutaka said he wasn’t sure if it had been Yumiko Kusaka or Haruka Tanizawa he’d seen kissing a girl, but one of them definitely had been. Hell, maybe they both had, Yutaka’s memory on it was fuzzy.

He’d also told Shinji that he’d seen Oki kiss Motobuchi after Motobuchi had shotgunned his beer.

_“How did you not mention that?”_

_“I totally did! After I said it was a magical night!”_

_“You definitely didn’t. You were too busy laughing.”_

_“Oh, well that was why I was laughing. I thought I said it.”_

Shinji had agreed with Yutaka about going public. He didn’t want to hide that they were together, especially since he had finally wrapped his head around the fact that it was safe.

That was why on Monday morning they walked into school holding hands. It probably should have felt like a huge moment, but Shinji and Yutaka were mid argument about the chance of an alien invasion.

“Look, I love you, but you’re insane. If aliens do exist, which is unlikely, they aren’t the invading type,” Shinji explained, not for the first time since he’d met Yutaka.

“Well, I love you, but you’re totally wrong. And I find it a little irresponsible that I’m the only one with an alien invasion plan,” Yutaka said as they walked in the direction of their lockers.

Shinji couldn’t tell if Yutaka was joking or not. He feared he wasn’t.

“I’m not going to dignify that with a response,” Shinji said as they turned the corner and approached his locker.

“Fine, don’t. You’ll see when I’m saving you from the aliens,” Yutaka said simply.

“Sounds hot, Ripley,” Shinji said, referencing the lead in the Alien movie series.

Yutaka snorted, even as he rolled his eyes. Shinji knew he wouldn’t complain about the comparison to the woman. Yutaka definitely thought Ripley was a badass, not to mention hot.

They reached Shinji’s locker and Shinji dropped Yutaka’s hand to open it. As he was getting his things out, he couldn’t help but overhear a discussion happening behind him.

“If they always just get stronger when they almost die, doesn’t it get boring to watch?” Souma asked.

“Well, a lot of people think the power system in Dragon Ball Z is broken, but I kind of like it. I think it’s a nice metaphor for real life. Sometimes the strongest people are the ones who’ve been beat down the most,” Yuichiro explained.

Shinji had to hold back his laughter. Over the weekend Yutaka had also filled him in on the whole Souma and Takiguchi situation. Apparently Yuichiro hadn’t needed rescued. When Yutaka had made his way over, Souma was simply sipping a wine cooler as she listened to Yuichiro babble. She’d even asked a couple of questions. Yutaka had described it as surreal, standing there in a group composed of Souma, Shimizu, Keita, Yuichiro, and himself. Shimizu had apparently looked just as confused as he felt.

“You might want to start bringing condoms to anime night if Souma’s going to be there,” Shinji suggested, standing up fully and closing his locker.

“Why would _I_ need condoms?” Yutaka asked incredulously.

Shinji shrugged. “I’m just saying there might be tits out at anime night.”

“So what? If I can manage not to throw myself at you, I think I can manage not to throw myself at Souma, even if her tits are out. Which, I mean, I hope they’re not. I think Yuichiro would probably pass out,” Yutaka said, facing Shinji who was now leaning against his closed locker, smirking.

“Aw, you think I’m hotter than Souma?” Shinji cooed, sounding quite pleased.

Yutaka rolled his eyes. “Yes, I think you’re hotter than Souma.”

“How much hotter?” Shinji asked just to tease him.

Yutaka was obviously aware of that, based on the sarcastic tone of his voice when he replied, “ _So_ much hotter. You’re the hottest person on the planet.”

Shinji’s grin only grew as he wrapped his arms around Yutaka’s neck. “I think it’s funny how you sound sarcastic, even though we both know you’re being serious.”

Yutaka laughed, but the slightly embarrassed look on his face told Shinji that he might not be far off.

Shinji laughed, leaning in to whisper in Yutaka’s ear, “I love you so much.” He then kissed the side of Yutaka’s head before pulling away and grabbing his hand again.

Yutaka was beaming. Shinji couldn’t believe how proud he felt to have caused that look. Being in love was so weird. Such small things suddenly had the power to brighten his whole outlook, but then, that was what made it all so nice.

_Good call on this one, Uncle._

They’d barely started walking down the hall again when Sho approached them. He sighed before putting his hand on his hip.

“Well, I must say I’m disappointed but not surprised,” Sho said looking between them.

Shinji grinned. “Morning, Sho.”

“Hey,” Yutaka added, a light blush on his cheeks.

Sho looked like he was trying to keep the disappointed look on his face, but finally he cracked and smiled at them. “Oh, I guess I can’t be _too_ upset when you both look so happy. And all thanks to _my_ party! It brought so many people out of the closet,” He then pointed at Shinji. “I was getting concerned that we’d never get _you_ pulled out.”

“Ha,” Shinji said dryly. He wasn’t going to give Sho any credit for his realization. Even if he did inadvertently push Shinji toward it.

“Always such a hard nut to crack,” Sho said, hand on his cheek. “But then, that was always why this was fun. A shame it’s come to an end, this thing between us.”

“Gotta admit, Sho, I feel like you’re breaking up with me,” Shinji joked easily.

Sho smiled, looking absolutely delighted. “Oh, sweetie, we can tell everyone it was mutual.”

Shinji snorted and beside him Yutaka let out a light laugh.

Sho once again looked between them, lightly smiling. “I suppose it never would have worked out between us anyway. It seems I’m not your type,” Sho said focusing on Yutaka.

“Afraid not,” Shinji agreed. It would be hard to find two people who looked less alike than Sho and Yutaka. But then again, Shinji was pretty sure he’d like Yutaka no matter what he looked like. But he didn’t need to say that; there was no need to rub salt in Sho’s wounds when he was being civil.

“Just as well,” Sho said, and the smile on his face suggested that maybe he had a secret he wasn’t sharing. He then looked down at Yutaka, still smiling. “Of course, if it ever doesn’t work out, I can’t promise I won’t try my hand again. I’m only human.”

Shinji scoffed. “Not gonna be an issue.”

“Remember—” Sho didn’t get to finish saying what needed to be remembered before he was interrupted.

“Are ya fuckin’ serious?” A voice seethed from behind Shinji.

Shinji looked over his shoulder to see Ryuhei Sasagawa approaching them with a scowl on his face. He stomped up to them, and Shinji and Yutaka had to move quickly to avoid getting plowed into as Ryuhei got right up in Sho’s face.

“Are ya seriously flirtin’ with Mimura?” Sasagawa demanded, poking at Sho’s chest with a finger. It must not have been too hard though, because Sho giggled.

“Oh, Ryu, I wouldn’t do _that_ ,” Sho said despite having just done that.

Ryuhei glared at Sho like he knew that was a lie, but instead of pressing him further he turned his sights on Shinji.

“You stay the fuck away from my boyfriend, ya hear me?” Ryuhei said, now poking his finger into Shinji’s chest.

Shinji could only nod. Had he opened his mouth he would have started laughing. As if _he_ needed to be told to stay away from Sho. Not to mention, holy shit, Sho and Sasaggawa were _dating_.

“Oh, honey, don’t be so violent,” Sho cooed, grabbing Ryuhei’s raised arm and pulling it down. “He already has Seto anyway.”

Ryuhei seemed to notice Yutaka standing there for the first time. He then saw their linked hands. He scowled and then looked at Sho. “Well, I didn’t see ‘im!”

“It’s like I’m invisible,” Yutaka muttered.

“And anyway, I don’t care!” Ryuhei looked at Shinji again. “Flirt with yer own boyfriend!”

Ryuhei then grabbed Sho’s arm and began pulling him down the hallway. Or, at least, it sort of looked that it way. It couldn’t really be considered pulling when Sho went with him so easily. Shinji doubted Ryuhei was strong enough to move Sho where he didn’t want to go.

As they left, Shinji could hear them talking to each other.

“We been datin’ two days and ya seriously are still flirtin’ with Mimura?”

“Oh, Ryu, I can’t _help_ it. You’re _so cute_ when you get jealous.”

Shinji finally couldn’t contain his laughter anymore and took a second to get it out, Yutaka joining in almost immediately. They held onto each other’s arms to steady themselves.

“Do you think they’ll invite us to their wedding?” Yutaka asked, wiping a tear from his eye.

“They’d better. I’m going to prepare a toast,” Shinji said, looking down the hallway where the couple had disappeared. Then a thought struck Shinji.

“You know, I just remembered. You never told me what Sho said to you the other night,” Shinji said, eyes locking Yutaka in place.

Yutaka blushed. “It would be better if I didn’t repeat it.”

“Well, now I’m even more curious,” Shinji said, grinning down at Yutaka. “Come on, spill.”

“Fine,” Yutaka sighed. “He said, and this is a direct quote, _‘If you don’t choke on that dick soon, I will.’_ ”

Shinji started laughing again.

“It’s not funny!” Yutaka said, even though he sounded on the verge of laughing himself. “I had no idea how you felt! And you were right there! You totally could have heard! Plus, who says that?!”

Shinji finally stopped laughing, but he couldn’t wipe the amused grin off of his face. “You know, the funniest part of that is that he thought he stood a chance against you,” Shinji said softly.

Yutaka somehow managed to look flattered, while also looking at him skeptically. He could tell when Shinji was about to make a joke just as easily as Shinji could tell when Yutaka was going to make one.

“Well,” Shinji drew out. “Second funniest part. The funniest was definitely your face after he said it.”

Yutaka shoved him good naturedly before pulling him along by the hand. “Whatever. Come on, I still need to go to my locker.”

Shinji didn’t fight him, instead walking with him and rubbing his thumb over Yutaka’s hand that was holding his.

“Did you—” Shinji was interrupted by someone screaming his name.

“Shinji! Shinji! Guys, stop!”

When Shinji turned, he saw Shuya hurrying toward them, with Yoshitoki behind him trying to keep up. They dodged a few random students and ended up next to Shinji and Yutaka.

“Where’s the fire, Shu?” Shinji asked, turning to face him but not dropping Yutaka’s hand.

“So many people hooked up on Friday!” Shuya said in a voice that was louder than necessary.

“Did they?” Shinji asked, his tone amused. Shuya still hadn’t noticed their joined hands.

Yoshitoki, on the other hand, had noticed almost immediately and was giving them an approving look.

“Yes! Pretty much everyone in class is dating someone now!” Shuya said, sounding both surprised and excited by the development.

Well, Shinji was certainly dating someone.

“Who’s dating now?” Yutaka asked, sounding genuinely curious, as he leaned against Shinji.

Yutaka then looked up at Shinji with mischievous eyes that seemed to ask, _‘How long until he realizes that we’re dating?’_

Shinji winked, meaning, _‘If we don’t spell it out for him, it might take years.’_ But that might have been too long of a message to convey in a wink.

“Oh my god, so many people! Kusaka and Kitano for starters—”

Yutaka interrupted, “So it was Kusaka I saw!”

“And Tanizawa and Utsumi—”

“Shit, maybe I did see both,” Yutaka mumbled.

“Oh! And did Hiroki tell you he’s going on a date with Kotohiki?” Shuya asked.

“Uh, no. I didn’t think there was enough liquid courage in the world for him to ask her out,” Shinji said, looking around the hallway to see if he could see Hiroki. Unfortunately, he didn’t see him among the mass of students. And being a head taller than most, he tended to stand out.

“I guess Chigusa did it for him? At least that’s what I heard,” Shuya said sounding unsure.

Shinji nodded. “So, this story still needs officially confirmed?”

“Technically, yes,” Yoshitoki said as Shuya scoffed.

“Well, how about Nakagawa, Yuka, not Noriko, and Hatagami? Does that need confirmed?” Shuya asked Yoshitoki.

Yoshitoki laughed easily before telling Shinji and Yutaka, “We saw them holding hands this morning.”

“Must be serious then,” Yutaka said, swinging his and Shinji’s conjoined hands a little.

Shinji and Yoshitoki both laughed a little, but Shuya still didn’t seem to catch on.

“I guess so?” Shuya said, brows knit together. “They’ve known each other a long time, so I guess it makes sense.”

“Yeah, the old childhood friends to dating route,” Shinji said, making Yutaka hold back a laugh. “I can see the appeal.”

Shuya nodded. “It’s just crazy. We’re practically the only single ones left.”

Finally, the group around Shuya couldn’t take it anymore and broke into laughter. Shuya just looked around confused.

“What’s funny about that?” Shuya asked, looking around at each of them for answers.

“Shuya,” Yoshitoki said, tilting Shuya’s head down. “Look.”

Shinji helped out by lifting his and Yutaka’s joined hands up.

For a second Shuya still looked confused, and Shinji thought they really would have to spell it out for him. But then his eyes widened, and a look of recognition came onto his face. Then he pointed at their connected hands.

“You guys are dating!” Shuya yelled.

Shinji grinned. “Thanks for noticing.”

“Oh man,” Shuya said, suddenly sounding defeated, as body slumped down.

Yutaka and Yoshitoki both cocked eyebrows at him.

“Don’t be like that, Shu,” Shinji said, amused tone to his voice. “I know you were into me, but you’ll find someone else.” He then patted Shuya’s shoulder lightly.

Shuya ignored him and instead turned to Yoshitoki. “That means we’re the only ones left!”

“Only ones left for what?” Shogo asked, approaching the group with Noriko Nakagawa.

“The only ones left who are single!” Shuya bemoaned.

Shogo took note of Shinji and Yutaka’s attached hands and nodded approvingly at Shinji. Then he faced Shuya. “Well, you aren’t the _only_ single ones left. I know someone who’s free for a date,” Shogo said as he bumped Nakagawa closer to the group. She blushed and gave Shogo a betrayed look. He only grinned.

“Aw, Shogo, really?” Shuya said, sounding excited. “Where do you want to go?”

For a second Shogo looked surprised, but then he caught on to what Shuya was suggesting. “I didn’t mean _me_. I was talking about Noriko.”

“Oh! She and Nobu could double with us!” Shuya suggested, throwing Yoshitoki a knowing look. Nobu was burning red.

Shinji and Yutaka were holding back laughter.

“I ain’t going on a date with you,” Shogo said still looking taken aback.

Shuya scoffed. “Why not? Am I not good enough for you?”

Shogo’s mouth dropped open for a second, but he immediately closed it and held up his hands. “I don’t date. All I was saying is Noriko’s free. Do what you will with that information,” Shogo then turned to leave the group, but before he broke away, he caught Shinji’s amused eyes. “Don’t start.”

As Shogo walked down the hall, Shinji called after him, “When are you going to let yourself be happy, Shogo?”

Shogo flipped him the bird, but Shinji hardly cared. They’d have a heart to heart later about the possibility of Shogo ever finding love again.

“The three of us could always do something,” Noriko suggested to Shuya and Yoshitoki shyly. “If you wanted to.”

Shuya grinned. “That sounds awesome!” He then threw his arms around Noriko and Yoshitoki. “Who says couples get to have all the fun?”

Noriko and Yoshitoki were powerless to do anything but agree with him.

“We’ll catch you guys later,” Shuya said, grinning wide. “I want to start talking weekend plans.”

The group of three took off, leaving Shinji and Yutaka standing alone in the hallway. Well, as alone as two people got in the school hallway before the first bell.

“Did you think us dating was going to be a bigger deal?” Yutaka asked, looking up at Shinji. Yutaka had obviously thought it was going to be.

“Kind of, yeah. Thought there would at least be some follow up questions,” Shinji admitted looking down the hall toward the departed group.

Yutaka looked thoughtful for a second. “I guess it’s kind of nice that there wasn’t. Like, maybe we just make sense together, so what’s to question?” After he said it, he looked a little unsure of himself.

Shinji couldn’t help smiling at him. “Yeah, that would be pretty obvious for anyone paying attention. We’re kind of made for each other.”

Yutaka grinned, looking up at him earnestly. “I couldn’t imagine anyone better.”

Shinji’s heartbeat sped up. Being in love was amazing. Being loved back was one better. He lifted Yutaka’s hand and kissed it as casually as one could do such a thing. And Yutaka accepted it with a grin.

“Come on, let’s hurry up so we can get to homeroom. I want to see Oda’s face when he realizes how vulgar our entire class is,” Shinji said, winking at Yutaka. He thought if they didn’t get a move on, he’d end up staying in the hallway sweettalking Yutaka all day.

“Oh, yeah, me too,” Yutaka agreed. Then his face lit up, and his big brown eyes looked devious. “Want to dirty talk in front of him during free period and see what happens?”

Shinji grinned. He was so in love with the boy beside him.

“Let’s see if we can make a toad explode,” Shinji said, dropping Yutaka’s hand in favor of putting his arm around his shoulders and pulling him close.

And as usual, Yutaka looked perfectly content under his arm. Shinji hoped that would never change. He would walk anywhere with Yutaka by his side.

_I hope you’re looking down on me right now, Uncle. I know for a while it was probably hard to look at me. But now the war is over, and I don’t have to choose between living with integrity and being happy. I get both. I get this. I get to be young and in love. I get to have all the things you wanted for me. I get to be in love with my best friend and be loved back by him. It’s all smiles from here, Uncle. All teeth._


End file.
